really down

So my little one id 6 months and a week and ever since he was 3 months i needed to change blood pressure medicine and now i know i dont have a choice cuz im always not feeling good and have been gaining weight from it plus tond of weird side effects. I have a doc appt on tuesday to change medications so i would neef to start formula on monday to start supplementing soi can solely do formula. Anyways ive been so depressed about it i cant even describe it. Feeling like a horiable mom cuz i have the milk to give him and now im not able to without hurting him or hurting myself. Cuz ive been needing to get on another one for a while. Anything would help at this point. I know i shoudve pumped ahead and i couldve had extra milk i feel like such a bad mom. A let down tht i knew and didnt do it.now i dont get the bonding time. Because my blood pressure is so high:/ sorry this is long:(