if you've lost
A child whether it be a miscarriage, stillborn or a death of a living child do you include that baby when asked how many children you have? What if it is an early miscarriagw, would you tell people for example you have 4, 3 living? What if its been years, do you still include that child that is in heaven?
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I had a miscarriage when I was 15, I don't tell anyone not even my doctors as it's personal. It was very early in the pregnancy, I was two weeks late, but I didn't know I was pregnant until I started to miscarry. No one knew other than the mental hospital that I went to a couple months after it happened due to suicide attempts. And not a lot of people do know because it's very personal. I still know I have a son or daughter out there, but I don't count it because people like to meddle in personal business.
I've had two losses at 4 and 5 weeks. I don't count them when someone asks about my kids, but if someone asked how many pregnancies I've had I'll say 5, 3 living and 2 losses. If the topic of miscarriages come up I'll mention them. It's still hard on me that I lost those pregnancies. I have a tattoo to honor my angel babies, even though they were early losses.
My dr asked that question.
I said I was having my third pregnancy. He asked how many children I had.
I said "I've had one live birth so far."
He asked me how many again. I called him an insensitive f*ckwit as it was clear id miscarried at one point and was pregnant again, but wouldn't count this as a live birth until that baby was in my arms.
He actually apologised. Said it is a question on his intake paperwork. Now when I see him, I say 2 live births, 2 loss in utero.
I say this is my 3rd pregnancy, I always include my son. I lost him at 26 weeks last May, we buried him and he had a birth/death certificate. He's still my son. When my daughter tells people she's a big sister, she says she's going to have a baby sister and has a baby brother who passed away.
I won't include my miscarriage in how many children I have. I miscarried my first pregnancy at 13 weeks, and am newly pregnant for the second time. If I give birth to this baby, it will be my only child.
Other people with loss grieve differently and feel differently about this though. Someone I know will often refer to her first child, a full term stillbirth, in terms of age "xxxx is turning seven years old today!", and say things like "I love being a mother to my two perfect boys!". She does have a second, living child as well. I may find that strange, but it's how she grieves. I don't think there is a right and a wrong. Loss is loss and whatever helps to cope is the right thing to do.
My first son passed away a few days after he was born due to a heart defect. When people ask how many kids I have it depends if it's a stranger or someone I'm friends with. Usually I don't include him because I get super awkward and uncomfortable trying to explain and I hate talking about it. Like when people at work ask I just say this will be my third child when really he will be my fourth.
Wow theres so many of us that have suffered a loss. Im very sorry to those of you who lost a living child, that is absolutely the worst thing a parent could experience. Thank you for taking time to post.
I have 3 living children and my dh and i just lost our 4th at 12 weeks. My dh and i were having this conversation and he said he wouldnt include our 4th baby if people asked but i said i would so i wanted to see what everyone elses thoughts were. I passed my baby naturally at home and got to hold the baby for a short time and it was a very traumatic experience for me personally so for me i couldnt not include my 4th baby, it was my baby even though the heart stopped beatind and i never knew until weeks later. We also buried the baby so to me the baby is and always will be apart of my family.
I include my stillborn son. When I was pregnant with my rainbow, people would always ask me what baby this was and I'd say 5th. Now that he's born, I say I have 5 kids. Unless they ask me their ages, I don't normally mention that he's passed away. If they do, I list the ages and say I have one son in heaven.
If I got to meet the baby, I would include them. I had a very early miscarriage and nobody really knows except my fiance. So we know that I have been pregnant 3 times, but I only have two children. But if I were to lose this child (currently 29 weeks), I would forever include him as my son.
I've had both a miscarriage and child loss. My son died at 20 months. If someone asks how many pregnancies, I say 3. If they ask how many children, I say two. (My son, plus one on the way). My son of course I always include as he was part of my life for almost 2yrs and always will. Will tell my daughter about her big brother, when she gets here.
My baby boy passed away when he was roughly 3 months.
I include him when someone ask how many children. I always say two and if they continue asking the usually how many? Boy or girl? I answer and include my angel baby.
I'm pretty emotionally detached so it's quite easy to engage in the conversation
I know this isn't the question, but I placed my first for adoption but I don't say I have 2 children. I just claim ds. I know I throw people off when I say I have 1 child and 1 otw but I talk about my first, second & third pregnancies. But I have no problem explaining I have one child but gave another a beautiful life❤
To strangers I don't ring up my miscarriage unless the topic is broached. I've decided to be more open about our loss and struggle with infertility because it was so hard for me and I felt so isolated because I had no one to talk to about it. I went through a serious depression and I felt awful trying to talk to my hubby. He's amazing but I knew how much talking about it hurt me and I didn't want to keep reopening the wound for him. So if someone brings up either of those strange or family I say something so someone else doesn't feel as alone as me.
I count my pregnancy I lost as a child! I had a early miscarriage at 6 weeks and I count the pregnancy and child!