Marriage is what you make of it

Davidsmommy, Catholicism is steeped in tradition. Your ceremony sounds like it was beautiful, though.

I love your post, OP! I agree 100%!

I have a cousin who is in his early 20's and has been married for about a year. They have 4 kids together. Well, a few months ago, they got in this huge fight on fb (yes on fb, smh), then he changed his status from "married" to "single". Ummm, no, that's not how marriage works. There is no breaking up. It's a bond that cannot easily be broken.

My husband & I got married outdoors by a pastor. We didn't marry in a catholic church (he is catholic, I am Christian) because I would've had to take classes that didn't mean anything to me. My dh asked the priest to marry us but he said no because our wedding site was not a church building, it was on top of a hill overlooking a lake. I couldn't understand the basis of their reasoning because marriage shouldn't be about buildings & trees. Our marriage, our commitment to each other, is between us & God. Everything else is just that, everything else.

Ppl get so angry for nothing. If you're not married don't explain yourself.. It works for you so theres no need to try & back it up.

How have I been trying to change anyone's views? I understand being committed to someone your not married to. I lived with my husband for over two years before we were married. My mother disowned me because of it even though we knew we would be together for the rest of our lives. I didn't really speak to her until two weeks before our wedding. Our commitment was the same, but the way others viewed us changed after we were married. That would not have happened if it was just a piece if paper.

First of all babybee? I just went on the actual website, thats how i seen you even commented. I haven't blocked you. I've never even seen your name until today! I can't see your comments either so I thought you blocked me. If you can even see this ::shrugs shoulders:: o_0

To whoever said the only ones saying this are unmarried, that isn't true. I've been married...twice. Both situations turned abusive and took alot of money and time to correct , even after I left them, I still had to deal with them until I was divorced.

My partner now, who I call my husband, and I had a ceremony to share our love with our friends and families, but without the legalities. It was quite beautiful and no one questioned us , just celebrated with us. Rituals and ceremonies change all the time, as does society.

op I agree 100%... for those that r married and still say its just a piece of paper....then y did u get married? hmmm.

I never said people who aren't married don't know what marriage means! So I'm not being arrogant on that point. I have already explained why the ceremony matters. I don't think I have been at all contradictory, but correct me if I'm wrong.

Babybee, I answered her question when I said that I had the same level of commitment before I was married. Being married shows others our commitment, as well.

Agree 100% op

Don't you think it's a bit arrogant to assume that people who aren't married can't understand what marriage means?

And it's actually the ceremony and the piece of paper which are entirely redundant. That's what everyone agrees on isn't it?

So how is a married couple of ten years any different to unmarried couple of ten years with same values and commitment? Please explain as you seem to be making contradictory points....

I think my point is being missed. The ceremony matters. I can call myself a Catholic(I'm not) and go to church and be faithful to the church, but I won't be recognized by the church as Catholic until I've gone through the proper ceremonies. (baptism, communion, etc) The wedding ceremony, no matter how small, binds the commitment and makes it recognizable to the world. You can be living together and have kids together and people will have no idea what your level of commitment is. When you are married it is obvious what your commitment should be. We are social beings, so how we present ourselves to others matters.

I got married so I could have my husband and son's last name and so I could go on his insurance so I could work part time lol. Marriage is so easily disposable these days. I love my husband and our family the same as some who cherishes the thought of being married. Also, I am not religious so maybe that has something to do with it as well.

Agreed op! The only ones who say that are UNMARRIED. they do not fully understand it cus they have not been there. I was one of them...then I got married and my mindset changed. It's definetly NOT just a piece of paper!

Babybee, try reloading the page. She did comment, but I had answered the question she asked previously, so I didn't think I needed to respond to it again.

We see commitment the same as you! Just dont need a legal contract to prove it! Marriage didn't change anything for us except our title and finances. I love my husband just as much as I dolid before......our love and commitment never changed...therefore marriage is just a piece of paper! lol. Why is this topic such a big deal on BB?

I love it when people say marriage is "just a piece of paper"

Oh really? Then why not do it if that's all it is? Stupid.

My marriage is a ton more than a piece of paper and unless you are married you'll never fully understand how.

Agree OP 1000%!!

Agree 100%. With that, sex, children and other things before marriage are a no go for me. I'm happily married with a daughter and my expectations for my daughter are very high. We shall see!

How do you know that people who are not married won't treat their relationship as you and your husband do? I do agree with your values 100%, as my husband and I have been married 10 years. I just feel it is just a piece of paper as I've seen plenty of couples be happily unmarried for years and years. Just my opinion though. :)

I'm not looking to change minds, just clarify why marriage is important and what it should mean when people get married. I think sometimes people get confused and equate the wedding ceremony with marriage. There is so much effort put into the wedding. I wish there was more thought and effort put into what the ceremony signifies. I feel there would be less divorces and fewer broken homes that way. Just my humble opinion. You don't have to agree with it, but thanks for listening to it anyway!

Ppl will always give excuses as to why marriage isn't for them nt understanding that that's their issue... It won't change anyone else's mind.

Agree op!

I agree that my hubby and I had the commitment before we were married. But ceremonies and rituals have always been a part of every culture. This one is a celebration and a confirmation of the commitment. It means something to those that use it for this purpose.

for my bf and i we both say its just paper BUT that is because we have both been married and have children from those partners. we both did not enter into this relationship lightly. we are loving and committed and everything else that a married couple is just without being married. we have talked about getting married and we want to and will just not at this time. we are happy to start our family together as a nonmarried couple. we also refer to one another as husband and wife because we have that security from one another. we do not toss around divorce like its an out. we've both been hurt badly by our exspouses so this time we knew it was for the long haul. i love him very much and vice versa. his kids are mine and my daughter is his and now we are having ours in June to round out this wonderful family.

Agreed!

I agree with you. I think the people who say its just a piece of paper are trying to prove a point that, just because you arent married (dont have that piece of paper) doesnt mean that you dont love or treat your SO as you are. I think its more of a you can have the same feelings without being married