My husband is depressed.
Need some insight here. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. Married 2. We have a beautiful home with 2 wonderful little boys. He works hard and I stay home with the boys. I'll admit I go thru some periods of being in a funk but he's expressed to me that he's really unhappy with himself. He feels like he's not a good dad (he's a great dad has been hands on since day 1). He spends a lot of time with the boys. He said its has nothing to do with me its all him. Is that even possible for him to be so unhappy and it have nothing to do with me? I usually don't post such private stuff about but I'm at a loss here. I'm in tears right this out
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It's completely possible. I get like that sometimes, as does my SO.
How old are your boys? If they know how to draw or color you can have them make special drawings or I love you cards for your husband. I'm in the process of getting together drawings my kids do and cutting them into collages that we can frame and hang up lol.
No @cwelt it's not harsh. It's what I needed to hear. I told him I'll be there for him no matter what. Now it's up to him to let me know what he needs me to do
I'm not trying to sound harsh, but you don't need to do anything for him other than be there for him. Don't push him into counseling or hobbies. Just be supportive. Right now it's your turn to be the strong one and support him, even if that means just talking to him, letting him know you would do anything for him, ect. I know how painful it can be to know that the person you love is hurting but realistically you kind of have to put that aside and do your best to be a positive influence right now.
But it just makes me feel so sad that I can't make him happy. I know there's nothing I can do but support him with whatever he needs. I'm really upset about this. I wish I could do something for him
I know it's hard, but please don't put it on yourself. In my experience that has made it worse for me. Because then not only am I suffering, but because I shared it with DH, now I feel guilty for hurting him with my problem. It is a very internal condition. The negative self talk is so strong that you, as his wife, are not going to be able to change it for him. That's why cognitive/behavioral therapy was such an important part of my recovery. I needed to learn how to stop the voice in my head that keep telling me I wasn't good enough. It's hard work and he'll need your support. But don't blame yourself for this. There's really nobody to blame. It just happens sometimes.
I've also suggested going to talk to someone but he doesn't want to. He thinks he can fix himself. I'm not so sure it's that simple
Thanks. It's just hard to believe that I'm not a fault in a way. He doesn't spend much time away on his own cause he never really wants to do anything. We don't have much alone time except if we have an event like a wedding or something like that. And he has no hobbies. Which was what I suggested last night when he finally opened up to me about it. I knew somethings been off for a few weeks but he never wants to talk about it. It's hard not to blame myself for it ya know. I am there for him but it's hard when he doesn't communicate his feelings. I can't read his mind. And I always tell him what a wonderful father he is but for some reason he can't see it right now. Now I'm having a really hard time. I've been crying off and on since last night and I just don't know what to do for him
Having suffered from anxiety and depression off and on for years, I can say that at no point has my loving husband ever been the cause of it. He has always been my rock and my support. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is no rhyme or reason. For me, a combination of meds and cognitive/behavioral therapy has worked best.
It is completely possible. I love my husband more than I can describe but I have gone through some very depressed periods in our marriage. Sometimes I've needed him to change things or do less or more of something but he has never been the source of my depression.
People have a tendency to try to put the blame on their shoulders and make it about them, when it's really not. It's most likely not about you, what you have or haven't been doing or whatever. It's about his own internal dialogue that is off track.
It's very possible that it has nothing to do with you. Does he get time to himself outside of work? Does he have a hobby? Do you guys get alone time without your children? He can very much be a great dad but not feel like he is. Just support him and encourage him, tell him how much of a wonderful father he is.
They are 3&1/2 and 20mths. That's a good idea though. Maybe I'll try that