self harming 4 year old. help **trigger warning**
Ladies I need suggestions/ insight on how to deal with this. Dh, SD (4), lo and I were walking around the mall. We told SD we would get frozen yogurt after we finished shopping. After a few minutes SD became inpatient and started asking when we were going to get our treat. I told her in a few minutes. Her response was "I want it now or I'm going to kill myself" !! Dh and I were dumfounded. Dh asked where she heard that, she replied "I can't tell you." Dh explained that when she talks like that it makes him sad. She responded with "I'm dumb. I hate myself. (As she was saying this she was trying to pull her hair out)" She's 4!! Dh and hex have split custody 50/50 since SD was born and even though we have a new baby in the house (4 months) she receives lots of attention and loves being a big sister. Dh and I make sure we take time to spend with SD one on one so she doesn't feel like she's being replaced by lo. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Dh called hex and asked about what SD said and hex told him she "never acts like that" with her.
*****update*****
We spoke with sd's pediatrician and she suggested therapy. Next step, finding one who is covered by our insurance.
My friends daughter was doing that at the age of 6. She did it for attention when she wasn't getting her way or had to do chores. (At chore time she'd threaten to kill herself) It was terrible. She was put in counseling and taught that was an inappropriate way to deal with her feelings.
Hopefully she's doing something like that and not really feeling that way.
I would suggest letting her just see a counselor not a psychiatrist or psychologist. I started self harming in 3rd grade, and I learned it off tv as a way to cope. When my mom found out she cut me off from tv, computer and took me out of school. But I don't think it should be that dramatic..since she hasn't physically done anything yet. I would be persistent with counseling too because we stopped counseling after a while and at 18 I started harming myself again and had a suicide attempt. I've been "clean" for two years now and don't plan on going back to that of coping.
Good luck and you're step daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers
Hex's mom just moved in with hex a few months ago. She has a history of mental instability. Its possible SD over heard something her grandma said. Hex also attempted suicide when she was pregnant with sd and has been treated for depression and PPD. Dh and I have never told SD about the suicide attempt. Ugh its just so frustrating not knowing how to help. My heart is breaking.
I'm sorry this took forever for me to update. We have an appointment with lo's pediatrician Tuesday( she also treats SD) and we are going to ask about sd's behavior. I appreciate all the positive support and input. Hopefully we can figure out what's going on with SD before it escalates further
This is very scary for a 4yr old. I would seek professional help for her to figure out why this happened.
My niece has adhd and other behavioral issues. Before she was seeing a psychologist she had mentioned harming and killing herself. It could be something like that.
Hope you can figure it out!
Xo
Call 1800 4achild. (This is the nationwide US child abuse hotline) Every country has one. Google it if your not in the US. If you cant find call the police station non emergency line and get it. You need to call. Don't pry or ask questions yourself it will get you nowhere. She will just close herself off more, or react the same way she did earlier. Let the professionals handle it! That is severe signs of an abused child. That is not something that she could've just got from the TV. Not like that. My family has experience with this first hand. (My mom has taken in 3 children with similar issues) Don't put it off or brush it off as nothing. I really think something is going on.
edit* especially since she said she can't tell you. That tells me that its someone you know.
That is is very odd behaviour for someone of any age. The fact she is only 4 and saying things like that is very worrisome.
I think you and your husband need to have a conversation with her mother and find the appropriate steps to deal with this. It definitely should not be ignored.
She starts Pre school in the fall. I'm assuming she heard it on TV or something. But the pulling her hair out is concerning.
Hope she gets some help. I hope it's something she just heard her mother say.