I’m trying to be understanding but honestly I’m kind of hurt. 8 months ago my 21 year old cousin…

Awe. That is sad. Maybe it’s too hard for them to face the family still. Maybe they’re worried that people will bring up your cousin that passed too much and it’s still to hard for them to face. My uncle died and my wedding was 10 months later my aunt didn’t come. Which was hard for me because she’s all I have left of my uncle but they were together 30 years and it was too soon for her to face the family. Which I understand. Just try to be understanding and let them know you’ll miss them and will be thinking of them.

I am sorry for your loss. And theirs. Were the two of you close in age? Attending a wedding (particularly if you two were close) may be especially difficult because they will never get to attend their child’s wedding (assuming your cousin was unmarried). There are so many things that are unexpectedly painful when you’re grieving.

While I understand why you would feel hurt, please know that if they choose not to attend your wedding it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

It’s ok for you to let them know that it’s really important to you to have them there. You don’t need to walk on eggshells. Acknowledge their pain. Let them know that you understand how difficult it may be for them, but that it would really mean the world to you if they could be there.

My 18 year old niece was killed about a year and a half ago. To lose someone so young is a tragedy beyond words. And all the things that will never happen for that person are reminders. Every holiday. Every birthday. Every special occasion. Each one is a new heartbreak.

Let them know it’s important to you for them to attend if they can, even if it’s just the ceremony. They won’t know if you don’t tell them.

@pandalicious, that side of my family is very small. So while we weren’t beat friends it a very tight family.

I understand that it’s hard but they’ve gone to family events with my aunts side of the family.

It’s difficult because I was like 25 weeks pregnant when it happened and they only met my son for the first time a few weeks ago and my aunt wouldn’t even look at him.

I try to be understanding and not take offence but it still hurts.

Grief comes in waves. As you learn to navigate it, you start to identify things that trigger strong emotions and things that don't. While being with your aunts side of the family might be easier on them (perhaps that side has also dealt with a loss or because they're closer and feel more comfortable expressing their grief), attending a wedding or seeing your child for the first time are events that most likely trigger strong emotional reactions for them.

You also have to keep in mind that going on vacations and holidays doesn't necessarily indicate that theyre feeling better. These may very well be escapes for them. No one knows that you're parents to a deceased child when you go on a cruise, or a wine tour or what have you. It may feel to them that theyve achieved an air of "normalcy" amongst strangers.

Try not to dwell on this. It's your wedding day.

I’m sorry for your families loss

We lost my cousin at 18 to a train accident...then lost my other cousin to a drowning at 28 which left us looking for almost a month for her; both were addicts...Then we lost my SO father followed a year later by his Nan...

Death can be hard to understand. When a family losses a child to drugs, it’s definitely a feeling of anger, disconnect, feeling robbed of life...the whys and how’s. The unanswered questions..

I believe healing is even harder...One day is so different from the next. I agree that grief comes in waves...Bug massive demobilizing waves...And although you see them visiting and going on family vacations you really can’t take it personality. It’s very likely these trips are escapes from their reality. These trips don’t represent healing....I can guarantee that 100% I don’t at all mean to sound dismissive but unless you’ve talked to them about your feelings you likely don’t know how their feeling. There’s obviously a reason, which I’m sure once expressed would feel very validated. I agree too that a wedding is a HUGE mile stone in ones life and to not be able to ever attend your daughters, sons, sisters etc. Is really hard to swallow. My cousin and I were the same age...I am ALWAYS thinking about how my actions or accomplishments effect my aunt, she struggles a lot everyday, sometimes with things your never find relative to her loss, but it is all relevant to her...I can only imagine how a mother of father feel after losing a child.

Good luck, and know that just because they choose to not be there is not a reflection of their love to you. I hope your wedding day is flawless x