So i need advice. I don't know weather i should or how or when to tell my dad when i give birth. He's never really been an active part of my life. And he was the only person talking shit when i first told everyone i was pregnant (my aunt told him because i didnt see why i should since he never checks up on me so why should i?) When he found out he called me and we had a short convo. He hadn't contacted me after that but he came to the baby shower (wich i was super surprised about considering hes never even showed up to a birthday party) acting like father/grandfather of the year and i let him cause i was too busy being happy to let him ruin my mood. Since the baby shower he still hasnt made an effort to check up on me and be in my life despite acting like he actually cared at the baby shower. I even texted him a pic of us from the baby shower to be nice and he said thanks for the pic but other than that still hasn't contacted me! So it seems to me that he still has no intention of making a real effort with me and if he's not gonna look for me why should i look for him? But he's still my dad so i just dont know what to do. Part of me feels like i should tell him cause he's my dad but the other part of me is like fuck that. Im just really torn. I feel like hes the father and he should be the one making the effort. And i don't want him in my sons life coming around when he feels like and making empty promises like he's done to me and my siblings our whole lives. I don't need my son growing up with that disappointment as resentment.
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Girl he sounds a lot like my dad honestly. He acts like he’s the best father ever for Facebook and the very rare occasions that he does come around. He’ll tag me in those dumb posts talking about how much you love your daughter and blah blah and it’s like yeah you may love me just because I’m a part of you but you have nothing to do with who I am or how I was raised or anything. I don’t get it I really don’t.
I also dont wanna tell him cause i honestly dont even want him at the hospital acting like grandfather of the year once again. Like he doesn't know his place and it pisses me and my bf off. I don't want those vibes on such a happy occasion. I don't know if i ever want him to meet my son tbh but i know he will want to AT FIRST. And then probably never come around again
@miasmommy0218 the worst part is when he does come around he tries to act like he has the authority to tell me what to do with my life. He just showed up one day unannounced judging my bf and trying to talk down on him when he didn't even know anything about him or take the time to know him. And when my MIL called him to tell him something he started yelling and cussing at her when she's done sooooo much for me since my bf and i got together. We live in her house atm and she's the one who provides for us and is helping us get an apartment. At the baby shower he was giving my bf dirty looks and when my bf went outside to smoke a cig he went outside and tried to talk to him and my bf told him straight up he doesn't fuck w/ him.
@theincubator93 i feel ya. Thats why i texted him that pic. To try to prompt him to talk to me.
I know exactly how you feel. My father and I haven’t really had a relationship since I was a kid before he and my mom divorced. He never made an effort to be apart of my life or stay in touch with me on a regular basis. He would contact me like once a year maybe twice. He moved back to his home state a few years ago and I still only hear from him a couple times a year but I’ve gotten to the point where I ignore him because I’ve given up on us actually having a relationship. So I didn’t bother to tell him I was pregnant. It may sound bad, but I just let him find out on Facebook with everyone else. And I don’t plan on telling him when she’s born. When my niece was born he and his wife came into to town and as soon as they met her they went back, so if I find out that he’s planning to come meet her I’m going to tell him not to. I don’t want him only being there when it’s convenient for him. So as far as I’m concerned she doesn’t have a grandpa on my side. She’ll be better off anyways.
Personally, I’d take the high road and tell him. At least that way you know you’ve tried your best to keep him involved in yours & your son’s life. Whether he chooses to pursue a further relationship or not is on him and his conscience.
@miasmommy0218 Exactly!!!! And the thing is i thought i stopped giving a fuck a long time ago but i was actually really happy at the baby shower. I even called him daddy once. And after i said it im thinking "wtf? Daddy? Where did that come from?" So i guess subconsciously i still wish he was there....but he's not. Why should i let that around my child? The only good man i grew up with was my grandfather. Every other man (besides my bf who he had the nerve to judge and disrespect) has always let me down starting with my dad. And it's not just me, my little brother is 15 and he's the only one who still makes an effort and even he is starting to resent him. He asked my dad to get him a haircut months ago. My dad got himself a haircut sincr then but my brother still doesnt have one. Like seriously?