Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought wow, my body is disgusting? I have. Up until last night. My entire childhood during middle and high school, I was fat. I know it plain and simple. After high school I dropped the weight. I was finally to a point where I was beginning to love my body.

You see, that first picture was 2 months before I was pregnant, I was so excited, I had lost 17 pounds since Craig had left.

The second picture, was my 17 week bump, I was out of the “fat can’t tell if that’s a baby or not” pregnant stage. I love my little bump so much.

That next picture? Was August 2nd, two days before I gave birth to my handsome child. I was huge. I hated my body yet loved it.

You see, between the second and third picture I was constantly battling my body, hating myself. When I think back, I’m now thinking to my self how fucking dare you hate the body that changed, grew and stretched to give your child life. It’s beautiful. It was beautiful. And it will always be beautiful.

That last picture? Was taken last night when I stared at myself in the mirror, I jiggled my stomach tried to flatten it with my hands and pull it back thinking how in the world does Craig find me attractive? I went from around 180/190 (not sure what I was when I was first pregnant) to almost 270 the day I gave birth. It’s crazy.

As I sat in the shower crying, I realized, I don’t need to be ashamed of my body, sure it’s not perfect and it won’t be for a while, shoot my csection isn’t even closed yet. But I can’t continue hating myself, there’s gonna be days I’m down on myself but I’m lucky Craig will always pick me back up.

But I held a human being in me for 9 months.

I nourished him.

I provided for him.

I gave into our cravings.

I was in pain for him.

And I would do it all over again.

I am beautiful. My body is beautiful.

#fightppd #postpartumjourney #stophatingyourself