Mamas, I am so ugh. I tried to talk to my boyfriend about going to couples counseling to try and deal with his anger…
Mamas,
I am so ugh. I tried to talk to my boyfriend about going to couples counseling to try and deal with his anger problems and strengthen our relationship so we can deal with our problems instead of ignoring them which he thinks makes them go away. His response was I don't feel comfortable with talking to a counselor about our sex life. I asked him what sex had to with it and he said everything. He is sexually frustrated and that's the cause to all of our relationship problems, that's the reason we fight constantly and he screams and swears at me. I literally can't have sex we have tried.. but I have had so many issues with my stomach lately that it hurts to much and then I just had surgery so he knows that I seriously can't because I could rip my internal stitches since I am still healing. when I do give in I don't enjoy it it's been that way for months and months because I am always in pain from a damn mass on my liver. I can't help that I'm in pain and having sex makes the pain worse. I don't think being sexually frustrated gives him the right to scream shut the f up, get the f out of here, f-ing leave, f you or f off to me when we fight.
JoAnna Davis·
Мама двоих (младенец), ждёт третьего
You should both take this free quiz, and try to apply the results to your relationship 😊 My husband and I were having serious issues over a year ago, but doing this helped us really understand one another, and what we were each doing wrong.
I also recommend reading the book, The Five Love Languages, but just taking the quiz will really help.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/
JoAnna Davis·
Мама двоих (младенец), ждёт третьего
So, it sounds like his love language is physical touch, which usually involves sexual activities.
I know it sounds ridiculous that he would start acting like a jerk because you can't have sex, but that might be the main thing you do for him that makes him feel loved by you. My love language is physical touch, and if my husband isn't kissing, hugging, cuddling, and having sex with me frequently enough, I get pretty darn moody.
Do you offer to give him hand jobs or oral? I know it's not a lot of fun to give sexual favors when you can't get anything out of it, but think of it as a way to show that you care about him and his feelings. Just tell him "It's too painful for us to have vaginal sex, but I still want to take care of your needs."
Most of the time, if you put in the effort to meet your partners emotional needs, they will have a strong desire to meet yours.
Jessica·
It's okay thanks! It just dumb founds me that he thinks not having sex all the time is what causes us to fight all the time to the point I've considered leaving because the horrible things he says to me when he's mad.
Marcela·
Has he been to a counselor before? If he hasn't then he cannot say with certainty that he will be uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable seeing a therapist but my bf insisted and for the sake of our relationship, I did it. I was pleasantly surprised and I look forward to therapy every week. Even if it does make him uncomfortable, sometimes that's what you gotta get through to make the relationship stronger. This is going to sound weird but my boss told me I would never grow as a better person until I am comfortable with being uncomfortable. It takes a few times of reading it to understand it. I.E. if public speaking makes you uncomfortable, you won't ever get better or over it until you take that step of being uncomfortable to grow. Just my two cents! Sorry so long lol