Ever since I have had Nevaeh I have so much more respect for myself. When she looks at me I just feel so empowered and so whole.
I have also noticed my SO has done so good with her like extremely well and loves on her constantly.
But I can't help but not feel the same anymore, I know things have changed and we're looking forward but I have been making obvious excuses for him.. and his behavior.
I didn't deserve to be lied to constantly, cheated on, told I'm not shit, I don't deserve him, I don't deserve his time, effort etc.
He hasn't disrespected me since Iv had her all smiles all love all commitment. How long will this last?
I don't know why I'm so down, I just look at him and can't help but wonder why the hell I put up with it so long.
I care for him don't get me wrong, but I look at my baby and I immediately think,
Who the hell is he? Who is HE to do those things to me? Who is HE to hurt my feelings? WHO does he think he is?
Maybe it's just my hormones but I hope it passes because I want to try and work on things, but then again, maybe the damage has been done.
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Its automatic to think like that because we as mothers don't want daughters especially to end up with men that would treat them like crap so why do we put up with it? I go back and forth all the time with myself with the guy that I am with no he does not hit me no he does not call me out of my name no he does not disrespect me but sometimes I would like to be treated like I am special to him like I want him to be more affectionate i want to feel loved. And who ever my daughter is with i want her to hsve the same. What my problem is is that I don't speak up enough. But when I do the guy I am with does listen I just have to keep repeating myself LOL like every time I want to go out of date I have to bring it up. Then we finally go out... it will be nice if he wouldn't bring it up as well so I don't feel like I'm the only one that actually wants to have fun in this relationship otherwise it's just business pay bills take care of the kids go to work over and over and no actual relationship. But as long as your guy is trying to work it out then I will still work on it. Just dont forget to speak up for yourself like me.
In all honesty have the kind of relationship you would want for your daughter. If it wouldn't be good enough for her then why allow yourself to be in that situation. That's how I feel in all honesty.