Hey mommies :) anyone else out there a postpartum depression survivor? I'd like to share my story and the story of this sweater with you. First let me start by saying, I have always been a very naturally happy, upbeat, energetic and social person. I was the girl in high school who was friends with EVERYBODY. My friends always made fun of me because every time I go out in public I make a new friend. I've never known depression or anxiety. In fact, I was probably the farthest from that as it comes. Nothing scared me or hindered me. I was adventurous, outgoing, and thought I could conquer the world if I really wanted to. So when my husband and I got pregnant postpartum depression was the farthest thing from my mind. Doctors warned me about it and I had read some stories but never did I think it would affect me. Fast forward to when my sweet little girl was born. My labor was long and painful but all I could think was how excited I was to meet my daughter! I had my mom, husband, mother in law and father in law in my delivery room. Friends also stopped by while I was laboring in those two days. I was laughing and having fun (besides the pain lol) and it was an amazing time! When my girl finally arrived I was so happy to meet her. Holding her for the first time was incredible. But after a couple hours went by something changed. I, of course, was still very in love with my baby and grateful for her health but I didn't feel ok. I chalked it up to the hormones and kept it to myself... until it didn't get better. It got worse. I started to hate myself. I convinced myself I was the worst mother in the world. I would call my husband home from work once a day, make him take aria so I could go sit under the hot shower and cry. I didn't want to leave the house. Going anywhere took about three hours of convincing and prepping me to get outside. My ppd lasted for about six months until it turned into a diagnosed anxiety disorder. I had a minimum of five full blown panic attacks per day. More if I had to ride in a car. I wasn't me anymore. I didn't know who I was. The girl living in my brain was a stranger to me and I hated her. I wanted my life back. I wanted to feel human again. I agreed to therapy and anxiety medication. I also started deep breathing lavender essential oil during panic attacks. Slowly but surly I was coming back. With help from family and doctors I'm happy again. I still have anxiety attacks every now and then but I'm now equipped to handle them. The sweater in my picture is my lavender sweater. It's big and cozy and soft. It's the color or lavender and when I got ppd I started infusing it with lavender essential oil. I keep it with me always and when I would have an attack or just feel upset with no real reason behind it I put on my lavender sweater and it calms me. If you have ppd and have not sought help, PLEASE DO. You're baby needs you.