Today I called my oldest daughter on face time. For reasons my older three children are in foster care with their aunt. A couple years ago their dad died from suicide. Well my oldest knows he's dead and gone and personally believe that age five is too young to tell her that he's dead. She asked me if I missed daddy and I said sweetie I will always miss him and she said but he's dead. And to me grief at this age is more of an adult issue or at least more mature for her age. The aunt was their daddy's sister and I feel as if she is forcing my five year old to deal with issues that are too advanced for her young mind to cope with and I'm so worried that she is causing more harm then good when it comes to my oldest daughters mental health. Please help me. I am falling apart right now.
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death is a really hard thing to deal with whether you're an adult or a child I lost my father right in front of me when I was just turned 6 years old it's hard and at that age it's confusing I went through a lot of counseling and therapies which helps but the reality didn't really hit me until I was about 9 or 10 years old even though I knew he was gone so I think maybe putting her in therapy at this age would be a good idea to help her deal with it and understand it a little better rather than being told something completely different
I personally think that coping with it now and adding in counseling would be better. Finding out years after the fact when she is old enough to understand being lied to, I think would be worse. While death is hard to cope with, I think being lied to by family would be worse in the long run. She doesn't need to know details of his passing but I don't think avoiding telling her is better.
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I'm sorry for your loss and for your children's loss. I do believe that children are amazing little creatures and I think the sooner they cope with it and see that it's OK to be sad and mad but there is still a beautiful life to live in the mean while. With that being said remember they are your children and you get final say. my heart goes out to you