rant

my insurance doesnt cover the hospital i want to deliver at. it only covers one hospital in all of my city & basically all the women give birth in the emergency room with only a curtain seperating them & once they have the baby, they get their own room. i really dont want to deliver there at all. a friend told me her experience there & told me that she showed up really calm & prepared for labor & that next to her was a woman screaming her head off acting like she was getting killed & it made her so nervous & feel anxious as fuck about delivering.
that hospital brings back horrible memories bc thats where my dad has been hospitalized for getting strokes & when i was 15 i was also hospitalized there bc i tried to OD. i just never imagined i would have to deliver there. i wanted to have my own private room, with my ob helping me thru labor. not some random dr i dont even know & especially a male dr, the whole situation just makes me so sad. i really want to pay out of pocket to deliver at the hospital i want to, its 3600. i dont have the money bc i havent worked my whole pregnancy, but my baby's father & i want to talk to my dad & ask him to lend us the money & that we will pay it back to him monthly starting once i get a job. am i wrong or selfish for wanting to pay 3600?? its just such an important day for me, i feel so upset & stressed over the whole situation.