Feeling Stuck: Need Advice on My Toxic Marriage and Custody

okay ladies, I need some advice/help. I'll give you a brief background so you can kind of understand my situation. so I met my husband last year and we weren't dating when I got pregnant. so we decided to try and do what we thought was best and get married to see if we could work as a family. that entire year was a living hell. I was hormonal and pregnant, didn't really know the guy so I had mixed emotions all the time. caught him in a couple lies, nothing major just him looking up his ex and coming up with some huge story as to how he didn't. then later admitting he did. so that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. So our entire marriage was basically forced. he would come home from work and get directly on his phone and Xbox and just shut me out. he'd say its because I bitch to much. mind you I was bitching that he didn't spend enough time with me. not a walk in the park not a drive to just relax and talk. nothing. he was always so occupied with other things. Since I got pregnant all of my so called friends stopped talking to me so I didn't really have anyone. So this girl on his Facebook hits me up in messenger and we talk, I think nothing of it. he tells me to invite her to the baby shower. so I did. apparently she got sick and couldn't make it. but the whole time he was calling her and asking if she was coming. she didn't but I'll get back to this ina sec. then my water broke 6 weeks early so I was put on bed rest in the hospital. while I was there it was like the second day, we were looking at old pics of his on Facebook. there was a pic of him and the girl. idk why but something in my gut told me they hooked up. so I asked. sure enough they did. and he was trying to get me to be friends with her because he said I needed friends. w.t.f. so we got into this fight and for the rest of my 2 week stay there he came all but about 4 times? and blamed it on me because again.. I bitch. so once my baby was born I became a stay at home mom and was with her 24/7. at night when shed cry he'd get annoyed because he had to work in the morning. anyway a couple months go by, he gets an apartment and I'm at my moms still. moves me into his place and 3 days later comes home, starts a fight with me. is recording the whole time I had no idea. but I was trying to get my daughter so I could take her and go to my moms house. he was blocking her door and wouldn't move so I took him down and he called the cops. I ended up getting arrested for domestic violence and had to bail myself out so I didn't get fired the next day. then he goes to the court house and gets a restraining order put against me from him and my daughter. so I couldn't see her for three weeks. got almost full custody because it was deemed domestic violence. now we're getting a divorce and it'll be finalized next month. but for some stupid fucking reason we're trying to make things work. so I thought. he tells me he's not in love with me, can't stand me. sits on his comp for hooooours and then his phone. ignores me. and tells me I should be grateful that he pays for my gas and food and a roof over my head. that I don't contribute which atm I can't because when he left me the first time I didn't have a car of my own so I had to go buy one and ended up loosing my job anyway so had to get loans to pay my other bills etc. so now I'm trying to get everything in order. but it's like I know I'm not here because I love him. I'm here because I feel stuck. and if I weren't here I'd only see my baby every other weekend. I can't do that again. so I'm trying to stay strong but inside I'm breaking tf down. I can't have Facebook or Instagram because he says it causes to many issues yet he has both. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I talk to my coworker and he just listens to me vent then tells me to leave him. but its not that easy. I'm trying to just wait it out till my bills are in order and I can get my own place but that'll be a year plus and our marriage barely lasted that long. sorry for the rant ladies I just needed to get it out 😔