I honestly can wait over 9 months for this baby to just stay in me... because I'm not looking forward to another new born already. I need to get through my son's toddler years

I will be 41 :/
Short Luteal Phase?
I've just started temping because I believe that the reason I haven't had a BFP yet, after 20 months, is because I believe I may have a Luteal Phase Defect.
Things I never thought I'd say...
Until I became a mom:
Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,
his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...
I feel you I have a 1 and 3 yr old I just feel like it's too much but I think God only gives us what we can handle even If we don't even realize we can. I feel like a failing mother because I loose my cool with my two boys. I'm trying to get better it's just very hatd.