Glad my husband stepped up to make funeral arrangements. This time, I don't have to go with him to funeral home. He knows the drill. It's rinse and repeat--two Augusts in a row, 2015 and 2016. Both baby girls made it to 21 weeks and 3 days. Seriously, what are the odds of this?

Was discharged from hospital last night. Been home sleeping off Pitocin and whatever cocktail of meds they gave me for the birth. Then crying, lots of crying.

I would be so happy to be constantly nauseous, with painful backaches, soreness all over, sleep deprived, etc. just to have a baby born alive. I'd be so happy to be up all night, every night for weeks or months, with a fussy colicky living baby, changing leaking/poo filled diapers. I'd love to be worrying about whether she has had enough to eat or if she's warm enough or when that diaper rash will get better.

I didn't get the chance for any of that. I had to leave her tiny cold body at the hospital. Now the funeral home will come to pick her up. My husband just came back with a catalog for baby urns. Yes, there is actually a market for that. I'm going to look through that catalog now.

Hold on tight and be grateful for your little sweeties. And mommies, take good care of yourselves bc your babies need you.