July 6th, 2016- your due date. You should be sleeping in my arms. I would just stare at you and take you in. Marveling at just how wonderful you are. Your tiny nose, finger and toes. The way your little fingers would grip my one. I dream of you often, I never want to wake up. I always wonder what your little life would of been like had everything went the way it should of. What would you be when you grow up? What would be your favorite cartoon? Many women lose their babies, yet no one truly understands the pain. This is probably because we are all trying to figure it out ourselves. My Riley Jude McGuire, I love hearing your name. Every time I say it, I smile. Today is so hard, luckily your daddy is so loving and supportive. He loves you too. My heart cries for you daily, my soul aches. Will this pain ever go away? No, but I'll learn to cope. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting another baby but I know that you will send us your sibling when we are ready. It's a strange place to be in, wanting something you can't have. I am grateful that your death lead me to this amazing career path of empowering and helping other women, however I would much rather have you. If love alone could of saved you, you would be here. I fell in love the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test. You are my baby & I am your mama. The joy it brought me was unlike any other, I yearn for that feeling again. Sometime I just close my eyes and envision you, imagine what you would smell like, what you look like. It hurts to write these things, no one knew about them till now. I want to share our story with everyone so they know that they aren't alone, and that they know their body better than anyone else. I love you so much Riley Jude. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight my sweet baby. Rest in Peace💙