Sometimes when I look at you I'm torn from wanting to smile to wanting to cry. I love you so much. But I feel as though…

Sometimes when I look at you I'm torn from wanting to smile to wanting to cry. I love you so much. But I feel as though I failed you. You deserve so much more than what you have. I wish I could give you a mommy and daddy who are together and love each other, a place that's yours and your parents rather than staying with your grandparents house full of tension, a mom that has her degree, but overall, a mom who is happy. She's not happy with herself right now. I don't want to be sad around you and I try not to. I do my best to keep a smile on my face and happy attitude around you, luckily looking at your face makes it a bit easy to do. You're the only person that motivates me to keep going when all I want to do is end it all. I'm sorry your mommy isn't so strong right now. Right now you're asleep in my arms and I can't help but to wrap my big arms around you and just snuggle with you. I love you peanut. Things will get better.