WARNING: TMI and this will be a novel. Just saying.
I don't care if anyone responds to this I just need to vent so badly. I'm so frustrated. I have been feeling pretty emotional (internally, more so) - I'm pregnant and that's okay. I haven't felt like my husband and I have really been connecting on any intimate levels lately. No deep conversations, no physically intimacy, just being best friends living life together, which is fine. But I am want deeper levels, I want more closeness, I don't like like we have such separate schedules and things we are doing daily like we aren't deepening our marriage. It gets annoying. So after my doc appt this morning, I decided to bring up our intimacy "issue." Back story:
[[About 3 weeks ago, we were getting frisky and I asked him to go down on me. (This has never been an issue before, he loves it frankly as I always give him what he asks as well) - well after asking him a couple times, he says no. He has never said that to me before. I was shocked. Honestly at that time, that was really what I wanted even though he just wanted to have sex. I couldn't believe he said no to me and when I asked why he said "just because I don't want to" and I was instantly turned off. I rolled over and got pretty sad about it, thinking "why doesn't he want to?" And then about 2 minutes later, he puts his fingers in my face and says in a laughing matter "would you wanna go down there??" And I was crushed. I'm sorry that my body is changing and is different than before. But I had shaved, taken a shower that morning, and it didn't smell bad to me at all. Stronger, yes, but that's because I'm PREGNANT. It made me feel so disgusting and rejected. I cried and cried and have not asked him for any favors since.]]
So seeing as how he has only asked for a handjob in the last 3 weeks, and not tried any advances with me or even caught on to MY advances (which are subtle I'll admit, but I feel like it turns off the romance to just blurt out "I WANNA HAVE SEX" so), I wanted to ask him why. He said "Babe I've just been busy, got a lot on my mind" and then claimed that if I want sex to turn him on. This has never been the case. I used to have to be the one to say no because he wanted me so much and so often. Granted, my hormones were whacky and my libido was often low. But now they are balancing and I feel like my true self and it's like I'm getting payback for all the times I DIDNT want to have sex. 😔 I am so mad and hurt and frustrated.
He couldn't answer me why he hasn't tried to have sex with me. I honestly think he's not turned on by my body anymore and nothing is drawing him to me. It sucks. I feel ugly and fat and awful. He calls me beautiful but when your man who used to always want you doesn't really care if you're intimate or not, it kinda hurts.
So I told him I've been having to take care of myself a lot recently, because I'm too afraid to ask him for any favors for fear of being rejected. He got frustrated by this and basically disregarded my feelings. As soon as I brought up the *back story* event that occurred 3 weeks ago, he told me "that never happened" and said I was losing my mind and left me in the car.
Like I'm just so pissed. I don't wanna see him or talk to him or look at him and I don't even feel like I can express ANY sort of feelings or emotions about anything to him because it's judging to turn into something bigger. On top of that, there are other issues I've been having with him. I'm just so frustrated and needed to get all of this out.
Thanks to anyone who actually read this whole thing. I'm sure I'm not the only one. 😔
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@littledannilove, fingers crossed for you Hun 😊
@elizondo.sarid, awe thanks love, I feel you there!! Things are much better now. Hopefully I continue to be able to have a good libido once baby is out!
@littledannilove, I'm so late lol but I just read your story & maybe it won't help if I say this but don't feel bad Hun. Maybe thru his head he feels like it's just weird because the baby is in there. Lol I know my husband thinks that because he always used to do that too. & he stopped for months & when I asked him he told me that he just felt weird because the baby is in there . He was scared to have sex with me too lol but we are opposed when it comes to the sex . He always wants to have sex & I don't 😪 I feel bad lol so I have to try & stuff even if I don't wanna. Poor guy.
@littledannilove, I'm carrying rather well too I think.. people tell me I have a perfect belly.. he hasn't complimented me my whole pregnancy all he says is "you put makeup on?" or I say man I feel fat and he'll say "babe you're just pregnant" yes dear I am very aware that I am pregnant...
Sometimes men have fears about sex and pregnancy. or they over think about the baby. tbh my first pregnancy I didn't let my husband touch me at all it just felt weird to have sex while pregnant with our baby. This pregnancy is a different story 😂 we have sex like 3 to 4 times a day.
@kasieerin, bless you. I don't know if my husband watches porn when I'm not around. Honestly I would probably think he might. I know I'm carrying well and I still am trying my best to rock what I've got. He just doesn't get how much things are gonna change and my body will never be the same again. I just wish I felt like he still thought I was sexy. Some women drive me nuts when they're all like "oh yah my husband couldn't keep his hands off my when I was pregnant"..... Awesome, here's a pat on the back! 👍🏼
@auuuribs, thank you so much. I agree. And it's hard to even feel like you can open up to someone after they've already made you feel stupid for trying.
Thank you @mommagotbump16. Me too @emilye!
you just explained my life... nor do I feel "good/attractive" anymore... I tell him about my frustrations and he never has anything to say... he decides to watch porn while he's at work an hour away mon-thurs... but when he comes home he never seems to want me... I've stopped asking for it because it's just a hassle anymore..
Don't feel left out a lot of men have there own way of expressing how they feel about the changes we are going through and you are getting bigger and bigger and reality probably is sitting in on him. It will get better just try to talk to him more and try to get him to open up
I read the whole thing and I wanna give you a hug right now. I'm going through something semi similar so I understand your pain. If you need anyone to rant to further and we can both discuss you can message me. But I totally understand and that's just not fair.
Oh no that must feel awful 😔 hopefully it's just a weird rough patch! My boyfriend went through this phase one time where he always said no and one day told me I ask for sex too much. So I stopped for a while and things eventually went back to normal. Guys can be so stubborn sometimes about things I swear. Hopefully he'll get over whatever it is!
😔 So sorry hon. I don't have anything beyond support and that just sucks. Big hugs girl idk why sometimes pregnancy messes with men more than ourselves.
Girl!!! I had NO sex while pregnant. Like we went basically almost 6 months or maybe more without having sex. I wouldn't get any head either 🙄 my spouse just didn't like it. He said "it's weird having sex with the baby inside you" and he would get turned off at the thought of his penis going somewhere close to his sons head! lol. It's normal!