So last night my baby's father came over to see our daughter. This is my ex who cheated on me with a 17 year old high schooler. We broke up 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant. We didn't talk for most of my pregnancy because he was mad I wouldn't abort. At around 8 months he came back in the picture because he did some thinking and decided he didn't want his daughter to be fatherless like he was. I told him he could visit but it would take a while for me to ever trust him even as a friend again. He lived about an hour and a half away and He has come over once a day every week to see her and it has been nice. However I have wondered if he still had something going on with this young girl. I know they didn't talk for a while but for some reason I wondered if when he came here if when he left he went to spend time with her (being that we live only a mile apart). Doesn't matter to much because we are not together but it's very hurtful for him and I to have a friendship and her (knowing exactly the agony she caused me) being around.

So.. Last night when he was over he was taking a picture of our daughter and I was looking at the phone as he was taking he picture.. And up pops her calling him. I proceeded to say "so you guys are talking?" And he said yes. I looked at my daughter and I said "well I guess that's who he is really here for" he said no, she just blows up my phone constantly. Like I want her to stop. I was like .. Right. It was about time for him to go because it was Amelia's bedtime. My mom got her ready for bed and I went outside with him to walk him to his car. I just started crying and said.. Really? Why must you continue to hurt me? Don't you think I have been through enough? I know you don't owe me an explanation but how do you expect me to be here as your "best friend" while you make me look like a fool with this girl? He promised that he hadn't talked to her in months but she kept blowing up his phone and was lonely and needed someone to talk to so he just decided to talk to her. We actually ended up talking for an hour or so and he broke down and told me how sad he was about everything he did to me.

Basically I don't trust him regardless and I hate that all my feelings are coming back for him. I need to move on. He clearly is confused.. Saying things like "I love you and I'll always care, I'm really confused and I just need to be single to be better for our daughter" I agree he needs to be as well but I'm just so bothered because if that's the case then get better for her and stop going into this downward spiral! I'm sorry.. At I think back to 11 years ago at 17.. So young.. So much to learn. What the hell is he actually doing? He says he hadn't planned on seeing her that night.. But I don't buy it. I'm just Rambling at this point but I'm so hurt and I don't know what to make of any of this!