I do treat him horrible and I know I do. I know I have controlling issues that I need to work on. I wanna change but it's so hard. He pushes my buttons so much. He's great to me but I have days where I do just wanna give up because I can't control what he does. I love him more than I love myself and I guess I just keeping pushing to see if he will love me through anything.

Your trying to push him away before he pushes you away. it's a way to keep yourself from getting hurt. Most of the time you don't even know your doing it or have a good reason of why. I did it all the time before I got help. But it's really good that you know your doing it and can work on stopping or trying to find a way to stop.