Okay, so my babies were born a week ago at 32 weeks and are currently in the NICU. My boyfriend and I don't live together but he is supposed to be working on a house for all of us to live in, to the best of my knowledge he has done just about nothing to fervor done. He wants me to come help him with some things and help him make some money, he is self-employed, but lives an hour from the hospital my babies are at. I visit them at l ask once a day for a few hours. He basically told me I'm wasting my time that this is the only time we'll always know they're in good hands and I should come help him for a couple of days. but I can't imagine going a day let alone two with out seeing them. I told him I would help but I'd still want to see them each day and he says we can't waste money on gas like that. I feel like he just doesn't get it, or am I being naive in thinking they benefit more from me being there everyday? he says it's more important to help secure their future which inhale no problem with I just want to see my babies. am I wrong or being hormonal or do I have a fair point??
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I'm praying for you momma. That's the last thing you need right now. I pray it gets better and if you need to talk please let me know. Follow your gut please. Lord knows you have to be alive and well for those babies.
@gcpaschal, I bet that's nice, it's hard, sometimes I feel so alone.
He can get shit done without you. He should be asking his friends or family and not you. There's a girl on this app who hemorrhage dandy almost loss her life. She posted that this morning. I'm grateful my husband gets it. I think he did a lot of reading and he had apps too. So he knew what I was going through on a day to day basis. He read them every morning.
@sarahdrew, I never even thought about that.
@m8626 He doesn't, but that just makes my life harder. :/
I would want to see them every day too, you're their mommy and have carried them for so long. It doesn't seem like he understands.
well you should tell him if you do too much physical stuff too soon you could have a post partum hemorrhage and then what would he do with you and the babies in the hospital? men don't get a lot sometimes
@justus_3, thank you! I know it will make a difference for them but he doesn't seem understand that.
@kattastrophe, okay, yeah he's only been to visit once since they've been born. I don't understand how he can do that!
my sister had my nephew when he only weighed 1lb 6oz. she was to busy chasing her dude that my nephew didn't get that nurture he needed to thrive and had to stay in the hospital for a crazy long time. meanwhile there was another couple who's baby was in the same boat. they stayed with that baby and got to leave with her in about 3/4 months. you have every right to be with them and to want to be with them. shame on him. he was right about one thing though... (I say that loosely). we are wired differently. he is suppose to provide while you nurture and tend to the home. he had 10 months to get ready. don't let him get you down sweetie. you are not doing anything wrong. of course this is all my opinion. @sarahplus2
your point is very valid mama, yes the nurses are great but they need their mama too, not to mention you are a week post partum, you really shouldn't be working period
my husband didn't seem to have a bond until my daughter was old enough to laugh at him (about 5 months) I've never left her side the whole 7 months.... it's something men physically can't understand, which isn't his fault, but that means that you have to rely on your own instincts
@kattastrophe, he just doesn't seem to get that. but I'm glad people agree and I'm not being over sensitive.
they NEED their mom, having you around helps them in sooooo many ways. it creates the bond, helps them get healthy and come out of NICU faster. they know your voice, its all theyve known for 32 weeks. you can develop PPD faster if you're away from them... a general rule for parenting "if it feels wrong, it probably is wrong"
@kaylaskibinski, exactly, they ate so much more at ease after a little skin to skin holding! I think all three of us would be a mess after two days with no visits!
@gcpaschal, @arivera64 that's what I told him and he just said that were wired differently and made me feel like I'm doing nothing to build a future for them.
Your argument is very valid. Newborns need their mom, that's how you start bonding. They feel more at ease as well.
I would want to see my babies too. I don't think a person who didn't care them for up to 10 months would understand that.
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