I hate when I try to be affectionate with my man n he straight ignores me. like kissing a fuckin dead fish. idk why he can't just let me be an emotional creature and love me back in the way that I need. my needs are always put last in relation to everyone else. no matter what. wtf is that about? ? I deserve to be loved the way I want. just like he asks for his things I should get mine with no argument or fight. just do it bc it's for me! I could be getting the affection I want from someone else but my dumb ass chose you! sometimes I think, what if I let him walk away from us b4 I got pregnant? would I be happier? would I have found someone better? would I still be having someone's baby?

I'm a strong believer that our babies choose who they want to be their mom so this whole rant makes me feel guilty bc i love my baby already and I'm so happy that he chose me. but I wonder if he would have chose me with a different dad....idk...i wish God gave us some clue as to what our lives should be and become so I didn't have to question every part of my life...sigh....I just wanted a kiss....