Moved up our wedding date to June 25th! So excited! But our pastor wants us to abstain from sex before marrage. We told him its a little late for that and he just said to start now or he's not marrying us...I'm not sure what to do at this point as we've made the decision as a couple to start trying for a baby. I'm just really confused on what to do because we both really want a family and we also want to get married. I guess I just need some help on making a decision.😢
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@krstokes2016, Thats terrible. I had no idea so many pastors have done this to so many people. i dont think its right. I think Im gonna start looking when he comes home tonight. Hopefully he hasn't taken what the pastor said to heart yet, I don't want to be less intimate.
the person that was suppose to marry my husband and i tried sayin no livin together, no sex, no alone time...i worked 12 hr shifts and he worked 10 hour shifts both 6 days a week. i ended up tellin the person thanks but no thanks. found out right before the wedding i was pregnant and was sick as hell the day of. the person still showed up as a guest and said they wouldnt have done it anyways cuz it wasnt "traditional enough". if you feel that it would be good to find someone else then start lookin cuz you never know what they could come up with the day of or few days before and possibly send you into a panic
@evococa, That's so shitty...I don't know why pastors would want to break the bond between two people that are already getting married. Ive been reading the bible more and there are a couple passages that say sex between a man and his "betrothed"-which is very much like engagement now- is perfectly okay. I just don't understand why most pastors overlook that.
Yeah I don't blame you at all. I was FURIOUS when ours mentioned it. Heck, I still am. I know he feels like he's doing what dirty work needs to be done, but he's also not a counselor or in your shoes. In theory, it would work or be better. In practice? 😭 it's so so horrid. I remember sleeping on the couch while Caleb got the bed, our son in the pack n play next to me. Smdh. Soooo unfair.
@evococa, Oh yes! I fotgot to mention he asked us if we could have separate living situations! Even said we couldn't even sleep in the same room! My fiance works 10 hour days and I rarely have time with him so when he comes home and we go to bed, that's our bonding time and one of my favorite parts of the day! I can't believe I totally forgot that he'd said that but I guess I just blocked it out cause that made me madder than hell! lol. I don't want to be less intimate with my fiance..that's the exact opposite of what we should be! I think were gonna look for another pastor....
@mothernature, Any time you get to have with your S.O is amazing😊 One day me and him were planning to go somewhere for the weekend and instead just stayed home and played some call of duty and minecraft while we ordered takeout chinese😂 Still one of my favorite memories with him😊
Personally, I would find a different pastor to marry me. I've been in your shoes, only we had already had our first child together. And he not only insisted we abstain, he told us we shouldn't live together. When we had an infant. God would like for us to remain virgins until marriage, yes. But God is a forgiving God. My now-husband took this pastors words to heart and it almost ruined our relationship entirely. Idk how you are, but us abstaining turned into we couldn't even kiss or hold hands. I felt really unloved and uncared for. So, my experience tells me that refraining when you've already "broken the seal" on that relationship that it causes a lot of hurt. Sex isn't just sex, it's a form of communication between each other, an expression of love. It would be one thing if y'all hadn't ever been intimate like that. That's my thoughts on it. I know it's a hard choice. Good luck, and no matter what you do, God will love you the same. His love is the only love that is constant and never ending <3
I got married when I was 18 and got home....drank some champagne from my mother,,, smoked,,,and had a babysitter for our son for the night while my husband and I ripped shit at some of his video games. lmao. (we were broke & that's what we had then) lol obvi I would have like something more classy like out to dinner or a bubble bath together lol. I'm rambling .......... lmao either or, togetherness at anytime is beautiful 💚
@metalmomma, I totally get where you're coming from. Me and my fiance have had many conversations about us starting a family. Its definitely something we both want. I also used to have a HUGE problem with alcohol and dont plan on having it in my future lol. Too many risks.😂
he can't force his beliefs on you, I would definitely start searching for someone else @mirahall18
@mrshamilton830, Maybe thats what we need to do...I originally didnt even want him to marry us😂 But my other pastor that I LOVED moved to Texas lol
I think it's pretty silly to wait to have sex but I also think you should be able to enjoy your wedding day not being pregnant. But then I realized you're underage anyway so not like you can have a glass of wine on your wedding night (even though I still would lol). Another reason to wait till you're 21 to get married lol. Not saying you should, just saying it was fun being able to do whatever we wanted and also being able to enjoy our marriage for a couple of years before we got pregnant. :)
the pastor should not be able to put rules on marrying you I would find another pastor
@mirahall18, I took offense from it and I'm not even you lol. good luck with everything tho ❤
@mothernature, Yeah, I guess I sorta took offence to the fact that he said he wasn't going to marry us if we didn't stop. Kinda hurt. @serenitysmommy7.25.16 Very true. I guess I'll just have to talk to my fiance tonight and see what we come up with.
@mirahall18, God.........will love you & your baby no matter what girly ❤
yeah but do you really want to be pregnant on your wedding night its a big party just for you and your hubby!
the deed has already been done there's plenty of people that will marry you if the pastor is going to be like that. to me kinda pointless to abstain now ... lol its your life with your man do what you want. I got married in a courthouse by a very nice somewhat religious judge. still amazing because it was with the man of my dreams. and we had just had sex earlier that day! lol I'm just saying don't let someone's religious preference stop you from doing you. (even if your of the same one). its...your....life.... I'd laugh in the face of someone who told me to abstain ,,,cuz with my husband that shit just isn't possible lol!!
@mirahall18 if there is anything I have learned in my life it's god will always love you and be there for you. if you end up pregnant before your wedding this is his plan and he will also supercede any pastor or priest . Do what's right in your heart. God will always love you and be there no matter what
thats what me and my fiance did.. vowed to abstain until our wedding.. had a slip up once and i got pregnant... lol.. it sucks having to pregnant on your wedding day.. i gotta watch every thing i do ..
@haydensmommy16, Very true. But if I become pregnant before the wedding then he's probably gonna know😂
@serenitysmommy7.25.16, @t142 The problem is I agree with both of you. 😂 I want to just keep trying because this is really what we want. But also I don't want to go against what God wants and what my pastor needs us to do to get married. It's just so frustrating😢
question how is he gonna know that y'all haven't been doin it or not... I know its like a bonding thing for marriage but you are 2 adults who are in love you're gonna do what you want...
June is not that far away. I think you should try it out and wait to have sex once you're married. I believe it'll create a stronger bond between the two of you.
@mirahall18, in my opinion which may or may not mean anything to you . you should keep trying and just simply not tell him a baby is God's greatest blessing and if he happens to work his miracles and your pregnant on your wedding day then this is how God wanted it and who are we to interfere with his plan
He's a pastor. Of course he believes those things. Most pastors won't marry you if you live together or have sex. It's in the Bible to abstain til marriage. It's not that the pastor doesn't like you but he wants you to honor God. If you don't like that then just find someone else to marry you. There are many officiants who aren't pastors or there's always the justice of the peace.