I just wish I had a bunch of money to go and forget about my life for a little bit. I want to escape this feeling, this stress.... no matter what I do I can't get away from it. Dealing with an addict while in my 9th month is not the business... especially when it's your mom. I don't even know if she will be there for my sons birth cause she's so fucked up all the time. I really wanted to wait till he got here to send her to rehab so she could see him being born but I don't even know if she will be sober enough to be there. I wish I could get high and forget about it but I deal with my problems cause I have a beautiful son coming into this world. How could you be so selfish? I wish I felt numb. I don't want to stress him out anymore than he is. How could she put me through this? Especially cause she went through so much with my dad when she was pregnant with me and almost cost me my life from all the stress and now she wants to put me and her first grandson through the same thing. I just don't get it. I understand addiction more than most but when you put the people closest to you through shit like this, that's what I don't understand. I was never like that in my addiction. I never let my family see me the way I was. She just doesn't give a shit anymore. Sorry for cussing so much... I just really needed to vent. I've been a wreck....