I'm at first time mom to a 10.5 week old precious little boy. I've dealt with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember but have done a lot of work in counseling to learn how to cope and was doing so well- then SURPRISE! A baby! I had a tough pregnancy as far as sickness and discomfort goes, and saw a high risk Doctor regularly from 20wks until delivery, but I can honestly say I have never been happier than when I was pregnant. Now I'm 10 weeks postpartum and I am having the hardest time of my life. I think I may be dealing with some PPD and anxiety but it feels deeper than that. I love my son with all my heart but I'm finding myself crying more and more. I'm withdrawing from friends and family again, and arguing with my husband on a daily basis as the resentment towards him for not knowing the depths of my struggles grows. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works long, physical, grueling hours but I find myself wishing he knew what it was like to not sleep for 2 or 3 days straight, and to have to listen to your baby scream because after an hour of comforting him you just can't wait to go to the bathroom anymore. I want him to know what it's like to have to skip meals because the baby won't stop fussing. I want him to know what it's like to feel like your arms are about to give out and your back might break, but you push through the pain because the baby is clingy that day. I want him to know what it's like to have to spend hours trying to get the baby to sleep, only to have someone else wake him, and then you have to start the whole process over again. I want him to know what it's like to have to choose between a shower or breakfast and a second to sit and relax while the baby naps. I seriously am needing some support from other Mommas!
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have you told him flat out how you feel? I suffer from depression and anxiety and I have a therapist who is amazing and there was one thing that she said to me that stuck like glue. our guy is not a mind reader, we may huff and puff and get even more upset because they dont realize whats going on how we are feeling or what we are thinking but unless we open up and talk about it there is no way for them to know what's going on. so we continue to create a bigger problem and more depression and frustration at the fact they they have no clue what we are going through when really we need to stop breathe and explain. I told my boyfriend that when she told me and all he could say was finally after 7 years you realize this. and it's true we need to open up more. and idk about you but with my depression I close off and end up alone and even more depressed try opening up and hear him out as well.
He's knows I'm upset but I haven't told him all that stuff specifically. But he works so hard so that I can stay home with our baby in our beautiful apartment and so that we can get our son everything he could possibly want or need. So I feel so guilty telling him I wish he knew how I felt. Not to mention, I really hate fighting in front of our son. He's only 2 months but I know he picks up on the stress. It's just so hard adjusting to being a first time mom especially with a history of anxiety and depression.