thank you so much @mrsmoore I was just so upset because all this new mother stupid boyfriend stuff was crashing in on me and I was so excited all day about finally getting something for myself and I couldn't do it and it broke me. I got a new appointment today though and I think it'll go well. I'm gonna talk with my bf as much as I can about all of this stuff he's doing (and not doing) more often but I don't know. I'm giving it a few more months and if this continues the same way its going I'm just gonna leave. I can't be treated like trash anymore. I love him and I hope it never comes to that though.

I went through that whole no kisses love or affection thing with my bf and I just told him everyday until he mad a change at first it seems like it wasn't working so I distance myself from him not really talking etc,have you tried asking him why he rather watch then come to you? I went through feel depression around the time my ex did that porn crap I compared myself to them but really if you think about it they don't feel good about them self's or have respect for themselves or body doing that job most of the girls probably all have plastic surgery to look like that and their the gross ones not you you did something useful with your body which was have a baby not make money by letting anybody have sex with you ,you just had a baby don't beat yourself up and I saw your pics you are honestly a very pretty women, I really hope you find a place with good prices,my son as well never let's me put him down he's just now getting good at it when. he was two months hes three months now ,I tell my bf my son won't make a women feel the way he did me when he didn't show love or affection,I think the nagging worked cause he saw I was getting ready to throw in the towel

thanks you guys. I'm gonna try somewhere else tomorrow and see if I can afford it. and @mrsmoore yeah..I feel really ugly and gross compared to those girls in porn. I have stretch marks and a lot more weight now and my stitches aren't healed yet and the baby never lets me put him down so me and my bf don't have anytime with each other. he thinks I don't know what he's doing in there but I have my ways and I know exactly what he's doing... it makes me cry everytime. he's the father of my child and I love him but I don't think he loves me back. I think he's just with me because we have a baby together. he never kisses me or holds me. that just adds to all the stress I have. I feel terrible about myself and he's the only one I look to for attention and affection and I don't get any of that. it's another reason why I feel so ugly and unimportant. I hope my son never makes a girl feel this way.

I'm sorry but your bf is a ass for that I wouldn't have it whatever he's watching it on would be broke I been there before it makes you feel insecure when he rather watch then be with you in return I left not just because of that. but have you thought of getting maybe a different cut and style Idk how long your hair is but if it's shoter the price will/could be cheaper because they aren't using so much product, other then that do you have any beauty schools around you? I'm in beauty school and the prices are lower for color at my school or decolorizing is 28 bucks and let's say you need 2 more bowls of decolorizer it would be 10 bucks for the extra two bowls so all together 48 I believe 😊 I know some people may be scared to go to the schools as we are learning and might not get it exactly right but you can get a redo for free if they didn't do it right, I hope things get better I know how it feels not to have something nice for your such even something little as a hair cut or color I'm dying for that ,

Another idea... people sell gift cards on eBay all the time, and you can get awesome deals... like pay $15 for a $50 gift card. Maybe look on eBay for a gift card to one of the mall salons, like Regis?

I understand the end of the world feeling I find myself crying for little things all the time it's okay you still have some hormones from pregnancy and if your breastfeeding the hormones won't go away anytime soon. I have to say it's super rude for him to be watching porn every night in bed while you're stuck on the couch maybe you two should switch it up and he can be on the couch you deserve what you want at this time you just shoved a human out of yourself

what @shaunatb said! And you'll most likely never see the people in the mall again, so don't let that get to you.

poor thing... you deserve something that would make you feel good about yourself. Are there any cosmetology schools in your area? You can go there and get it done by a student for waaaay cheaper, and they're always supervised by instructors in case they mess up.

wowzers! breath mami. you have us to talk to and can actually be friends. OK? don't stress over the little things. it might look big now but in reality it's not. don't pay attention to what HE'S doing, you will find somewhere better to do your hair (how about the sane place that did it before?) don't rush because you will get overwhelmed, the people in the mall don't matter and EVERYONE didn't see you only a few probably.