Took a nap and had a dream about Bella... Ya know, I never thought of it, but I've always been so careful with babies. Always so afraid I'd "break" them. And the dream I had made me wonder: how will I not be that way with my daughter? Those children were never MY children. I mean of course, when babies are able to hold their head up on their own and everything, I never had that problem, BUT this is a newborn. MY newborn. The miracle that I personally carried for months and months on end. Will I be afraid to hold her? Afraid I'll "break" her? Or will I be OK with it because this is my baby? I know this sounds stupid, but you'd understand if all you ever wanted was a baby around. My little brother passed away when he was only 4 hours old. I always wanted to know what it would be like to have a baby in the house from itty bitty, up. I had my experiences with them, but all mom's (of course) are super picky about their newborns and who holds them and such.... When I woke up, I thought back to the day that Anthony Wayne was born. I didn't want to hold him. I was so happy to see him and so happy he was OK, but I didn't want to "break" him. That's exactly what I told everyone and I cried when they put him in my arms anyway because he was so tiny and I wasn't. I can't help but to wonder how afraid I'll be of the same thing when they place her in my arms. When the day comes to put MY baby girl in the back seat of a vehicle (that more than triples, quadruples, and more her size) to go home. I'm so on edge now with everything that goes on and the goofy things my husband does, how will I react when he's holding her? Will I constantly be shakey and nervous on the inside? Or will I be OK because I personally know that this little girl means the world, moon, and stars to him as well? Its funny how none of this processed until that dream. Because it doesnt bother me when children are old enough to hold their heads up, just when their tiny. Or will that change too now that this is MY daughter? I've never been the kind to worry like that... But she's going to be so tiny! How could I not worry? Is this normal!? Why am I trippin about all of this NOW? Why is this week any different than last? Why do I have to have dreams that make me think this way?? And a random question: why don't I ever picture my daughters FACE in my dreams!?