My precious Lil' muffin! Jaiviel Darius Adonis Kennedy! He was born Monday, October 26, at 8:34 am. I was very worried I wouldn't be attached, but he just melts my heart. He was only 5 lbs. 11 oz., but he's a strong little thing. I'm so in love with his little life and I'm glad about it! 💖💖💖

Confession: Since I can't post it anywhere else. I cannot stand my baby's father. We rushed in to things and because he was a nice guy who really liked me, I figured it would work, but it's not. Everything he does and says irks my nerves. On top of everything else, it really isn't making this easy. Waited 12 years to have my second kid and I still fucked up. I sure know how to pick the dead-end option every time, whether I put thought in to it or not.

Ugh! Starving but wanting to vomit as soon as I start eating these last few days. One more full day of pregnancy left and I'm surely not mad about it. Still doesn't feel real though. I wonder how I'll feel when I finally hold him.

This is the longest week ever. As of tomorrow, my c-section is in 4 DAYS! I'm so uncomfortable and anxious. I can't believe I'll be a mom again after 12 years.

October mommies! (I'm so uncomfortable! 😨😨😨)

I'm at work and I'm not doing anything but switching between preggie and FB. I cannot concentrate for shit. Can't wait for these last two weeks here to be over, but I have A LOT to get done. I'm always stressed about getting my job done, I'm a natural worrier, but right now, I don't really care, lol!

Technology is awesome! I wish I could have done this with my first child. The woman there was so nice and engaging. Anyway, here's my little guy! We are now Team October, scheduled c-section Oct 26! His cheeks though! 😄😄😄

Lol! I always post something and then disappear from here for weeks. Anyway, C-section scheduled for Oct. 26 and I'm nervous feck! Tomorrow is the 3D Ultrasound though, can't wait. My shower is like a week before the day I go in, but at least I'm having one so I'm thankful for that. After Thursday, only 2 weeks of work left. So many countdowns! Congrats to anyone who has given birth lately!

It's almost over. Even though mentally I can't get as excited as I want to. Already living with major depression and anxiety from childhood trauma, the miscarriage before this where I was so ecstatic to be pregnant and lost it, and I keep seeing people on FB whose babies are dying right after birth or 2-3 months later and it's freaking me out. I can't mentally handle anymore tragedy, so my subconscious will not let me have any positive feelings about things so that I'm always prepared for devast...

My neighbor just gave me some ice cream cake! 😍😍😍 It's about to go down! 😄