no062014
Natasha
Am I being a little bit of a jerk? I have had this stance with both pregnancies. My husband nor I have our phones on us while I labor and birth. Last time wasn't an issue at all. It was our first. This time around my best friend is supposed to be my childcare for my oldest. If there is an emergency she is to call my mom as my mom is 5 mins down the road and I won't be able to do anything but hubs would answer his phone for an emergency.
But we won't be updating anyone during labor and delivery. Not even best friend. But after birth in my post partum room we would send a quick update. Hubs is my support 100% neither of us are on our phones. Even if there is a medical emergency with myself I won't be telling anyone. That's my private medical information no one needs to know. Well best friend is having a melt down now bc she wanted updates every 2-3hrs bc a family member of hers just had a baby and needed several transfusions and still pretty ill. I told her that no one is going to get that update from me either. Unless I have something happen that I unfortunately pass, or become unconscious and will pass no one is going to know if i had an emergency such as bleeding so much i need a transfusion. There is no need for it. I feel as that would cause unnecessary worry and i dont need anyone causing my 5yo to worry.
I was very gentle in telling her no. I informed her there is to much going on to even have our phones on us. I walk an insane amount in labor, in and out of the tub and shower, birth ball and hubs is literally right there physically supporting me.
I am contemplating informing her if she cannot respect this then i will find someone else for my oldest. I have no idea who. But i would.
To cherry on top it she did go behind my back and ask my husband he said yes just to appease her which he has no clue what he just got himself into. She also went on a rant to him how she has respected my boundaries during my pregnancy. I have no idea what boundaries shes talking about since she lives 2 hrs away and the boundaries i had was not to post about my pregnancy, and please dont touch my belly. I was put on travel restrictions so i couldnt visit out to her over the summer which wasnt a boundary i put in it was my doctor.
But we won't be updating anyone during labor and delivery. Not even best friend. But after birth in my post partum room we would send a quick update. Hubs is my support 100% neither of us are on our phones. Even if there is a medical emergency with myself I won't be telling anyone. That's my private medical information no one needs to know. Well best friend is having a melt down now bc she wanted updates every 2-3hrs bc a family member of hers just had a baby and needed several transfusions and still pretty ill. I told her that no one is going to get that update from me either. Unless I have something happen that I unfortunately pass, or become unconscious and will pass no one is going to know if i had an emergency such as bleeding so much i need a transfusion. There is no need for it. I feel as that would cause unnecessary worry and i dont need anyone causing my 5yo to worry.
I was very gentle in telling her no. I informed her there is to much going on to even have our phones on us. I walk an insane amount in labor, in and out of the tub and shower, birth ball and hubs is literally right there physically supporting me.
I am contemplating informing her if she cannot respect this then i will find someone else for my oldest. I have no idea who. But i would.
To cherry on top it she did go behind my back and ask my husband he said yes just to appease her which he has no clue what he just got himself into. She also went on a rant to him how she has respected my boundaries during my pregnancy. I have no idea what boundaries shes talking about since she lives 2 hrs away and the boundaries i had was not to post about my pregnancy, and please dont touch my belly. I was put on travel restrictions so i couldnt visit out to her over the summer which wasnt a boundary i put in it was my doctor.
08.10.2023
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bodybycheetos
At this point, ask your mom to watch your kid. Not worth the hassle.
08.10.2023 Нравится Ответить
no062014
Unfortunately she can't. She works as a bus monitor. That's why she's typically only 5mins away. I did ask my mil. She is requesting time off from work. We will see within the next week if they grant her time off. She is also looking into taking fmla as it was expanded to cover certain in laws. She's been really good about respecting boundaries and planned on staying here anyway to really look after my dogs and manage the wood stove. The only hard part for her was getting my little lady on the school bus and off. Hence the best friend coming out for 3 weeks
08.10.2023 Нравится Ответить
harleyquinn13
I’d say yes, you are being a bit of a jerk on this one. She’s not asking to be in the room or actively be apart of your birth, she is simply asking for updates. Maybe tweak them so that she can get updates when available like if you husband is able to glance his phone.
As you said, if you are uncomfortable by her request, find someone else to watch your child but I’m sure most people would appreciate an update while your older child is in their care.
As you said, if you are uncomfortable by her request, find someone else to watch your child but I’m sure most people would appreciate an update while your older child is in their care.
08.10.2023 Нравится Ответить
harleyquinn13
@no062014, if you aren’t willing to compromise when someone else is going out of their way to be there for you, in my opinion, you are the jerk. There’s boundaries and then there is whatever this is.
Wish you all the luck with finding someone.
Wish you all the luck with finding someone.
08.10.2023 Нравится Ответить
no062014
@harleyquinn13 it's a boundary of staying off dang phones during labor and delivery. It's a horrid distraction.
08.10.2023 Нравится Ответить
harleyquinn13
@no062014, okay. I’m done with this convo. I told you how I felt and you don’t see the issue in it. So good luck.
08.10.2023 Нравится Ответить
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