Как пережить потерю ребенка после смерти мамы? Судебное решение и страх за дочь

My mother used to say i would just give up in anything before the fight or in the middle. I feel this way today. I know im not the only one who is going through this but the fact that she was always on my abuser side for yrs before she died , and only reaching out when she ask me to let him see his daughter which I couldnt at the time due to domestic violence shelter rules. Now right after her birthday my supervised visits get lifted and im forsed to leave my little girl in his arms for 4 hrs not knowing if he will return her or run to another country. Its like she in her grave still working agenst me. I do feel like i give up the fight before it started like tommorow is my last day with my 4 year old. The court ordered this i agreed no i didnt see another way. I feel defeated, alone, overpowered ! My baby my little girl ! My love! I wish i had been a cheater more now then ever !!!!