Am I being stepped on by my friends' significant others?
Do you have to deal with the awkwardness of a friends significant other possibly not liking you?
I have 2 male friends that it’s just so awkward when it comes to their gf. One of them I haven’t even met the girl because I get the feeling that she is jealous and she wants to kind of “keep” him to herself. He hasn’t been able to introduce any of his female friends to her yet so I’m already getting that vibe from her and they have been together for a year and a half already.
My other friend has been with his gf for 5 years and I’ve only met her once. Every time I try doing plans to hang out with her, she makes it really weird for example, when I spoke to her recently I asked her if she wanted to hang out on the weekend and she said no let’s hang out in 2 months. That was just weird because this girl isn’t busy, she doesn’t have children or a job at the moment so she has free time. I took the in 2 months thing as basically, I don’t want to hang out with you. I feel like I just got fed up with trying to be nice to friends significant others because I don’t have time for their flakiness. I’m trying to be nice and plan something but they are acting immature. What’s strange too is that they are both much older than me so I guess it could be a competition thing they see which I’m not trying to do. I just thought that it would be nice to get to know them. I feel like the older I’m getting, I’m tried of trying to be nice. F people lol seriously you try to be nice and you get stepped on or not taken seriously. The sad reality of this is that if both of my friends end up marrying their gfs, the friendships may not last. They have controlling gfs. I also understand that sometimes people apply rules to their relationships and that’s fine and I understand the feeling of jealousy because I would feel like that too if my bf would have had female friends but I would have wanted to get to know them if it happened like that. The thing is I feel like it helps if a woman knows what kind of man she will be involved with. For example, if a woman doesn’t want a man to have friends of the opposite sex then that is ok and if a woman is completely fine with a man having friends that is fine too. What I think maybe hectic on my friends relationships is that their gfs don’t accept their bf’s friends. They probably want to move their bf’s away from friends, kind of like how a controlling guy wants his gf to be away from their family or friends kind of thing. That’s the way I see it from my perspective. They probably don’t know this and may get offended if I mention it but I get this vibe with their relationships and they are in love with their gfs, so in a way I feel bad if it works out for them but they may have to leave their friends and family behind. That may be a possibility which would suck but I’m just gonna have to accept that. I knew one of them for 10 years and the other one since high school.
I have 2 male friends that it’s just so awkward when it comes to their gf. One of them I haven’t even met the girl because I get the feeling that she is jealous and she wants to kind of “keep” him to herself. He hasn’t been able to introduce any of his female friends to her yet so I’m already getting that vibe from her and they have been together for a year and a half already.
My other friend has been with his gf for 5 years and I’ve only met her once. Every time I try doing plans to hang out with her, she makes it really weird for example, when I spoke to her recently I asked her if she wanted to hang out on the weekend and she said no let’s hang out in 2 months. That was just weird because this girl isn’t busy, she doesn’t have children or a job at the moment so she has free time. I took the in 2 months thing as basically, I don’t want to hang out with you. I feel like I just got fed up with trying to be nice to friends significant others because I don’t have time for their flakiness. I’m trying to be nice and plan something but they are acting immature. What’s strange too is that they are both much older than me so I guess it could be a competition thing they see which I’m not trying to do. I just thought that it would be nice to get to know them. I feel like the older I’m getting, I’m tried of trying to be nice. F people lol seriously you try to be nice and you get stepped on or not taken seriously. The sad reality of this is that if both of my friends end up marrying their gfs, the friendships may not last. They have controlling gfs. I also understand that sometimes people apply rules to their relationships and that’s fine and I understand the feeling of jealousy because I would feel like that too if my bf would have had female friends but I would have wanted to get to know them if it happened like that. The thing is I feel like it helps if a woman knows what kind of man she will be involved with. For example, if a woman doesn’t want a man to have friends of the opposite sex then that is ok and if a woman is completely fine with a man having friends that is fine too. What I think maybe hectic on my friends relationships is that their gfs don’t accept their bf’s friends. They probably want to move their bf’s away from friends, kind of like how a controlling guy wants his gf to be away from their family or friends kind of thing. That’s the way I see it from my perspective. They probably don’t know this and may get offended if I mention it but I get this vibe with their relationships and they are in love with their gfs, so in a way I feel bad if it works out for them but they may have to leave their friends and family behind. That may be a possibility which would suck but I’m just gonna have to accept that. I knew one of them for 10 years and the other one since high school.
23.08.2022
Скучные игрушки? Нет, не слышали! ТОП-5 развиваю...
Не просто гель: как интимный уход влияет на само...
Часто болеющий ребенок: что делать? Отвечаем на ...
Лучший комментарий
Комментарии
momgroupreject
I wouldn’t call a man who’s in a relationship if the girl isn’t comfortable. Text him. Ask him if it’s ok to call at that time. That’s weird. I rarely actually call my bff unless our kids want to FaceTime and even then it’s more of a group chat situation but we text. You have to be respectful of their boundaries or when things feel weird bc not every woman is going to be ok at first with their new man having another woman calling them. ESP if they don’t know you or if the male friends don’t explain you as just a friend. You just have to put yourself in the situation of the significant other and how you would truly feel about this situation in a new relationship. Everyone is convinced that me and my bff had sex bc we were roommates but we literally didn’t. It’s definitely a societal issue but doesn’t make it easier to accept as the girlfriend. It might be a good idea to distance yourself until they’re comfortable with it or feel out the dynamic of their new relationship. Again it is all about how the men in the situation explain you to them. If you’ve ever had sexual relations or even a flirty banter, you likely won’t be accepted by the girlfriend if he tells them that.
24.08.2022 Нравится Ответить
bigfatpigswithakingkong
@momgroupreject, no I never had anything with them thank god. They have been very respectful male friends. The few male friends I had before tried to cross that line and the friendship ended.
The one where the gf is jealous has been with my friend for 5 years. It makes me cringe but when he has explained to her that he hung out with me, my bf and the kids she probably thinks that we have sex in front of my bf and the kids. 🤢 She has a dirty mind. Something is a bit off with her. My friend wants to have kids with her but she claimed that people hold her back from having a kid. She is 45, I’m not sure if she can have kids. I don’t think she wants to. I know that is there issue but it’s just something weird with her. I’ve only hung out with her once before the pandemic but after that it hasn’t happened. I haven’t seen my friend until this year. We hung out 3 times so far but since she makes it awkward when he lets her know and tells her that I invite her to hang out with us, it doesn’t happen. That’s why I stopped calling him when his gf would visit him on the weekends. It makes me feel weird. Not that I’m trying to disrespect her but since I’ve known him for so long I feel like it’s just easier calling him on a day she isn’t there and assuming dirty thoughts.
The other friend I told him that I want to meet his gf and he tells me that he will let her know but it hasn’t happened yet. He instead told me that she gets mad even when he hangs out with his male friends. He has been with her for a year and a half now. I feel like if I haven’t met her by now, I don’t think it will happen. I think he just keeps his friendships separate from his relationship. I recently hung out with him and another friend of his and I feel like that’s the only way he can see us because I don’t think she is ok with it. It’s sad but if these relationships will last, I will probably have to back away from the awkwardness of not being accepted. 😩 I don’t want to feel like I have to be hidden or something. It’s a weird feeling. I try to include them but they are difficult. I do understand the feeling of jealousy. I had an ex that had lots of female friends and I didn’t like it too much but once I met some of them I felt better about it then being hidden in the dark.
The one where the gf is jealous has been with my friend for 5 years. It makes me cringe but when he has explained to her that he hung out with me, my bf and the kids she probably thinks that we have sex in front of my bf and the kids. 🤢 She has a dirty mind. Something is a bit off with her. My friend wants to have kids with her but she claimed that people hold her back from having a kid. She is 45, I’m not sure if she can have kids. I don’t think she wants to. I know that is there issue but it’s just something weird with her. I’ve only hung out with her once before the pandemic but after that it hasn’t happened. I haven’t seen my friend until this year. We hung out 3 times so far but since she makes it awkward when he lets her know and tells her that I invite her to hang out with us, it doesn’t happen. That’s why I stopped calling him when his gf would visit him on the weekends. It makes me feel weird. Not that I’m trying to disrespect her but since I’ve known him for so long I feel like it’s just easier calling him on a day she isn’t there and assuming dirty thoughts.
The other friend I told him that I want to meet his gf and he tells me that he will let her know but it hasn’t happened yet. He instead told me that she gets mad even when he hangs out with his male friends. He has been with her for a year and a half now. I feel like if I haven’t met her by now, I don’t think it will happen. I think he just keeps his friendships separate from his relationship. I recently hung out with him and another friend of his and I feel like that’s the only way he can see us because I don’t think she is ok with it. It’s sad but if these relationships will last, I will probably have to back away from the awkwardness of not being accepted. 😩 I don’t want to feel like I have to be hidden or something. It’s a weird feeling. I try to include them but they are difficult. I do understand the feeling of jealousy. I had an ex that had lots of female friends and I didn’t like it too much but once I met some of them I felt better about it then being hidden in the dark.
24.08.2022 Нравится Ответить
momgroupreject
@bigfatpigswithakingkong, I wouldn’t be pushy. You’re their friends and not friends with the gf but if you are the one they’re worried about then in my opinion it’s best to step back respectfully. You don’t need to converse as often and just let them do their things. I can’t think of any woman that wouldn’t even be intimidated right off the bat and I’ve handled this from both sides. We both would respectfully distance ourselves as to not push it. Luckily my bff ended up marrying someone that is way cool with our long term friendship and accepting but you have to realize that may not be the case in every scenario. I don’t agree with the gender norms but appreciate that they happen and sometimes we just have to be the bigger person and take a step back. Like as a woman yourself you have to put yourself in their shoes and look from their perspective.
24.08.2022 Нравится Ответить
icebergahead
I am always open to communications. For example, when I speak to my male friend whom moved from NYC to FL, I always include his wife (we’ve met). So when I do talk to him, I include her out of respect; how are you all doing etc. (I never want her to feel that we are some weird secret lovers lol)
I know how some people may feel insecure. I am just more respectful these days and talk at reasonable hour as well. I would not text him at 2am to chat lol. My BFF is a male and we go way back (4th grade) but I too am respectful. Sometimes there is no way pf making a friend’s partner feel at ease. But know the boundaries and of course, your friend is responsible for them. (Keep in mind our chats are every few months🤣 and not daily.)
I know how some people may feel insecure. I am just more respectful these days and talk at reasonable hour as well. I would not text him at 2am to chat lol. My BFF is a male and we go way back (4th grade) but I too am respectful. Sometimes there is no way pf making a friend’s partner feel at ease. But know the boundaries and of course, your friend is responsible for them. (Keep in mind our chats are every few months🤣 and not daily.)
24.08.2022 Нравится Ответить
momgroupreject
I have one male best friend for over 15 years now. We were even roommates in our late teens/early 20s. His wife lived with us for a while before we all went our separate ways. We have a great relationship. They are married with kids now. I can understand that someone who is newly in a relationship could be insecure about an opposite sex friend. I’ve always had to explain him to people I’ve dated and they’ve gotten insecure as well. Some people think that opposite genders can’t truly be platonic friends and maybe it’s due to past experience but I wouldn’t push it in this scenario. I would offer to do couple dates instead of hanging out one on one with the significant other bc it’s awkward. I’m super socially awkward and would feel weird about that specific situation. I absolutely agree with the boundaries too.
24.08.2022 Нравится Ответить
Читайте также
The other friend I’m not even sure if he lets his gf know when he hangs out with me or his other friends because I get the feeling that she may be controlling from the things that he tells me. She is 10 years older than him and hasn’t had a serious relationship until meeting him. She is in her late 40’s so I also don’t want her to think that I’m trying to take him away. I feel like this is causing me more of a headache than it should lol. 😩
I think if they both end up marrying their gfs, the friendships won’t last. Either I’m gonna have to distance myself which I didn’t want to do but it might have to be that way or they will do it because I can’t imagine that their gf’s will tolerate their friendships for life.