Муж не хочет присутствовать на родах: что делать? Обсуждаем ситуацию с одним поддержником и чувствами
So I'm hurt. I told my husband I talked to labor and delivery at the hospital I'm going to be delivering at to ask a few questions. I asked about how many can get in the room during labor and they said one support person. (With my first they allowed three people) so he said he didn't mind if I wanted someone else in there with me instead of him. I told him I thought he'd want to see his son being born he said he did but with our first I hated him during labor and so he doesn't mind if i want my mom or sister in there instead and he will come see him after. Kind of broke my heart.
XryztalRoze·
I would be hurt too, but my logical side would be grateful that my husband knew how horrible he is during the labor process and put my need for support above his desire to see the baby's delivery. I would take it as a sign of confidence and love from him that he is willing to put himself aside. My husband has been useless, though present, for all 3. If I were in your situation and could only choose one person I would seriously take into consideration who would be the most helpful to you. His presence without his actual help isn't him being present at all. My dh told me directly that he wanted to help me during labor but didn't know how. He quite literally froze up and don't know what to do even with instructions. Have a heart to heart and try to see it from his point of view and express yours. Determine if his presence is more important to you than your comfort and needs being met in the moment. Tell him exactly what you would like to see as support/help from him and if he can follow through. Practice labor and delivery techniques to prepare together. Maybe by doing this he will be more comfortable. If you like touch, quiet, massage, dancing, music, silence, etc.... Communication is different for men than us women and watching a baby enter the world from a place that brings him enjoyment changes really affects them in the moment. My husband was traumatized with our first. Lol. Hope talking to him helps you come to a conclusion you can be happy with. Hugs mama!!!
Aylenrose··
When you put it that way it makes sense I was just hurt thinking he would absolutely want that position and then didn't. Makes me feel like he doesn't care for this baby like the others. Idk what I want to do. I want him there to see and hold our baby but if he doesn't want to be the one to try and help me I'd rather have my mom who desperately wants to be there to help me because she was there for my first and missed out on my second because we had a C-section with her. I'm just torn.
XryztalRoze··
With all of this emotion, I feel my heart break for you, but must say that I firmly believe he does care. He just loves you enough to set himself aside for what is best for baby and you!!! If your mother is able and willing to be there, not to mention is desperate to be there(your words) then I would absolutely have her there and have him in the waiting area so as soon as baby arrives he can be summoned to meet baby. Can you record the birth? I have recorded 2/3 of mine. Wish I had been able the first time. Remember, it can always be edited for viewing. And what an absolute honor for your mother to be there! Keep in mind it has only been in recent years that father's were permitted to be in the birthing room. It's not unusual in many cultures for it to be a "woman only thing". I wish my mom cared enough and could have been there for one of her grand babies' births. I'm seeing this whole situation as a complete win for you:
You get the support of someone you love twice over-first your husband acknowledging his weakness in your moments of need, then your mother loving you enough to step in and want to be there as family ought to be!!!! What a double blessing. It isn't often one admits weakness and that shows strength on your husband's part. Hugs and love mama!!!! In the end, it only matters that baby arrives healthy and mommy stays healthy. Everything else can be worked through. It seems you have lots of love around you and that's what you and baby need most!!!!