Why do I still miss my mom on Mothers Day?

i lost my mom four days before my 9th birthday and since then i've never been a fan of mother's day.... everyone has always told me "when you have kids that will change" i'm 26 now with 3 amazing daughters but that feeling of not liking mother's day hasn't changed... if anything it's gotten harder. what people don't understand is when you lose a parent at a young age there are so many questions you never got to ask, there are days when all you need is your mom and she hasn't been there for so long you miss it even more, and you often wonder what it would be like if they were here. i often find myself wondering "what would she say about her grandkids? is she proud of me? what would our relationship be like? would we call each other just to chit chat?" there's been so much that she has missed out on and so many things in my life i wish she was here to see and enjoy with me. i wish i could hear her one more time call me her Peapod and see her smile just one more time.

and before anyone says "you're not suppose to asks those things she's in a better place" i know that but when you've spent 18 years without her being here to see all the things you've achieved in life makes missing her a little extra some days