Жизнь как испытание: борьба со стрессом и трудностями
Life has been crazy and stressful. I haven’t had much support for going to school. A lot of my family supposedly looks down on me for going to school like it’s a bad thing. I only have one cousin who went to school and became a nurse. Everyone else either dropped out of school or never went to school. It will feel so good if I can get my bachelors and maybe even go for my masters. I am so close to getting my bachelors but apparently I’m being judged for this. A lot of women from my mothers side of the family have told me things like you need a man with money and things like you can get money from men while insinuating an easy way to get it. Like no I won’t be doing something like prostitution. I prefer earning my degree. It’s insulting to even suggest that I should see different men for money. 🤦🏻♀️ What kind of message would I be showing my children if I did that smh.
On top of that I have my bf so that’s disrespectful, why would I want other men for?
Now things have been rocky with my bf since the last 2 years and I don’t know if things will last in the long run but I am trying to work it out. I am glad that he got a job recently, so that helped a little bit with his bad mood of being fired since the pandemic and complaining about money and politics. So what I tell my family is that if things end with my bf one day, I want to be sure that I have a degree in my hand and do something with it, not to rely on some random man that will be expected to save me and expect sexual favors like I have no worth. I wasn’t created just to be some toy that will be thrown away. I want to do something.
Then it isn’t fair while I deal with all that bs, my professors have been stressing me out with the work load and giving me so many reading and writing assignments that it’s hard to keep up. I’m trying my best but this is really the worst semester I’ve ever dealt with. One professor requires too much of my time. I would like more than anything to start focusing on my final project ahead of time which is a 10 to 15 page paper that I have to write but I can’t even do that when he expects me to read like 4 different books weekly plus throws in surprise writing assignments that are a couple of pages each that are not even on the syllabus. I also have to worry about another class that I have to do a big project as well plus presentations. 😭 I have 4 classes total.
Then I have no one who can help me pick up my son from school anymore so I have to travel back and forth to go to school, pick him up and then go back for my evening class. I feel like collapsing because I’m running around all the time and on little sleep. I’m not sleeping good anymore, too many noises and distractions. My daughter wakes up, my bf gets up really early for work and my father not being mentally well gets up a bunch of times through out the night.
I also have to worry about taking the train with mentally unstable people who lash out on anyone. I feel like I’m trapped in a lions cage and I feel like I will hyperventilate and get claustrophobic. The other day a mentally unstable homeless man was running up and down the train car screaming and threw a glass bottle towards one of the doors. I flinched and expected that he was gonna hit me or someone else on the train. I had a guy the other day throw his bottle cap at me and I ignored him as much as I wished I cursed him out because I know that he was looking for a reason to attack me. I also have to make sure that no one gets near me when the train arrives since there have been several attacks where people were pushed to their deaths.
These are some of the things I’ve been dealing with the last few months. I just hope that things get better. I can’t wait when the semester finishes in the middle of may. Then I can sort of breath again.
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I know this post is a couple weeks old but I saw you comment on someone's post tonight & I think it's my first time seeing your username on here. Your username caught my eye so I decided to browse your page as I was up nursing my daughter lol hope you don't mind😋
May I ask how old you are? You seem to have a good head on your shoulders & don't deserve the treatment your family is giving you. Going to college and getting your degree is the best thing you can do for you and your kids! I am proud of you for doing that❤️ you WILL succeed & you WILL be financially stable without a man in the future, I'm claiming that for you, In JESUS mighty name!! I believe With him all things are possible 🙏
This is a load of stress indeed. I know it is difficult but do not let family discourage your goals. Education is not like you out out in the streets doing drugs. They shall see the benefits when you earn your degree and find your career path. 🙏🏻💕
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Thank you I really appreciate it! I’ve been arguing a lot with my mom lately about this because she starts it sometimes saying how my aunt and other people in the family look at me and see that I’m not “doing enough” or if I’m wasting my time with school. When I respond back to my mom she gets offended but I let her know that my aunt and other relatives have no room to talk because they earn money in questionable ways that I wouldn’t want to do for example like dating guys and making money off of them which is like borderline prostitution. She gets mad but that’s the truth. I told her what advice is that to look for a man to make money.
Then she says I’m not talking about that and changes the topic a bit by saying that I’m not helping enough at home. I told her that I don’t know anyone in the family in my shoes who has to run around a lot like I do and feels like the world is on their shoulders, that’s why I’m extremely exhausted where I can’t always do the laundry and sometimes wait for the weekend or the next week.
I have to do a lot of things for my mother as well that she doesn’t do like make important phone calls to the guardian about my father, speaking to her accountant and helping her with the bills because she isn’t doing it. So I’m like what am I not doing then?😩
I do feel really bad when I don’t have enough time for my children. I have days sometimes that kill me because the school requires so much homework due for the next day or two and I have to spend so much time on the readings and then do the writing. I have to take breaks because I can’t concentrate. When I read a lot of times, I start dozing off and keep opening and closing my eyes where I can’t even concentrate have to do it again. Since I don’t sleep good at night sometimes I end up taking a short nap for 10 to 20 something min and then I am able to work on my assignments but I feel very off half of the time. I appreciate that she helps me with the kids, especially my daughter a lot so that helps but I hate when I have family members judging me for that. I really don’t want to be so busy like this with school. I had to take a break for a whole day recently just so I can spend the whole day with them and play with them because my schooling requires so much of my time. I feel like I’m losing time with them. That’s why I can’t wait till the semester ends so I can finally focus more on them again. A lot of times I can’t even help my son with his homework and I tell him to be more independent just so I can focus on an annoying assignment that is time consuming. Sometimes I really feel like crying and telling my professor that I can’t handle his class but I don’t want to do that because he might say why are you in school lol. His class is designed for people in their 20’s who don’t have children, work or a significant other who have free time because that is the only way I can see someone doing all of his assignments.
@myargentinandmystomachhurts, Do not stress about their opinions. You do enough then that is it. When you live with other women in the household (adults) you’ll always have some drama. I hope one day you’ll find your own sanctuary and enjoy your piece away from all of the negative atmosphere. It is not mentally helping you succeed and making you wonder if all is true. Maybe they need to find a hobby and stop dragging your name around. Your children will be proud of all of your accomplishments. That truly counts.
One option (which I know may not be in your grasp at the moment) is to move out. They will not have any materials on you and you will not allow them in your personal life as they please.🧘🏻♀️
@icebergahead, yeah eventually I have to do that!
My bf is not good with saving money. Before the pandemic he spoke about getting a place for us but it never happened. Hopefully I am able to find a job after I graduate, at least a part time because I would also have to look for convenient hours that won’t get in the way when I bring my son to school or pick him up. I wish I could find something close to home that would be convenient and have good hours.
That is true as much as I love my mom and she helps a lot, she is from a different time period where women were all housewives so going to school would have been seen as strange. In my family it was always marry a man that can take care of you. Now things are different and I feel like I have to be like a man in a way and work hard. I’m nowhere as good as my mom is at being a homemaker and taking care of the household. I wish I was! That is something I have to learn more how to do like preparing certain meals. It just sucks when the family doesn’t get the school life and thinks there is an easier solution or maybe it isn’t seen as being feminine. The only person I can think of who has done a lot of schooling is my father. So in a way I will be like him with the education. It will feel good though to be one of the only women in the family to get a college degree. No one from my fathers family side accomplished that either. They were from a different time where women didn’t work, only the men provided for the family. So it will be nice to feel like I’m doing this in a way not just for myself or the children but for both of my family sides, like I am able to do what they weren’t able to do or allowed to do in the past.
Thank you for your kind words I really appreciate it! 🥰
I recently changed my name. I was myargentinandmystomacharehurting. I figured I needed a new name lol. This name randomly popped into my head and I couldn’t help but crack up and decided to use it. 🤣
Everything has been stressful lately with my family not really being supportive or understanding. One of my relatives recently visited me and she tried to mean well by say that if things don’t work out with my bf that there are men lined up for me. I didn’t like the way that sounded though lol. I don’t want men lined up I would probably stay single if it doesn’t work out because first I would need time to heal and get over him. I wouldn’t want some guy that wants to play around and leave me. I would get lonely fast and hurt. I don’t like the feeling of being used. My relatives don’t get it because they like being with guys and switching them like the seasons 😂 but for me I need the attention and I like having communication. I can’t be with a guy for a short time. I get attached fast if I like someone so I would rather be more serious with someone than have a short term thing.
If things don’t work out with my bf someday, I would be really hurt and wouldn’t want to get to know someone for a long time.