Жизнь как испытание: борьба со стрессом и трудностями

Life has been crazy and stressful. I haven’t had much support for going to school. A lot of my family supposedly looks down on me for going to school like it’s a bad thing. I only have one cousin who went to school and became a nurse. Everyone else either dropped out of school or never went to school. It will feel so good if I can get my bachelors and maybe even go for my masters. I am so close to getting my bachelors but apparently I’m being judged for this. A lot of women from my mothers side of the family have told me things like you need a man with money and things like you can get money from men while insinuating an easy way to get it. Like no I won’t be doing something like prostitution. I prefer earning my degree. It’s insulting to even suggest that I should see different men for money. 🤦🏻‍♀️ What kind of message would I be showing my children if I did that smh.
On top of that I have my bf so that’s disrespectful, why would I want other men for?

Now things have been rocky with my bf since the last 2 years and I don’t know if things will last in the long run but I am trying to work it out. I am glad that he got a job recently, so that helped a little bit with his bad mood of being fired since the pandemic and complaining about money and politics. So what I tell my family is that if things end with my bf one day, I want to be sure that I have a degree in my hand and do something with it, not to rely on some random man that will be expected to save me and expect sexual favors like I have no worth. I wasn’t created just to be some toy that will be thrown away. I want to do something.

Then it isn’t fair while I deal with all that bs, my professors have been stressing me out with the work load and giving me so many reading and writing assignments that it’s hard to keep up. I’m trying my best but this is really the worst semester I’ve ever dealt with. One professor requires too much of my time. I would like more than anything to start focusing on my final project ahead of time which is a 10 to 15 page paper that I have to write but I can’t even do that when he expects me to read like 4 different books weekly plus throws in surprise writing assignments that are a couple of pages each that are not even on the syllabus. I also have to worry about another class that I have to do a big project as well plus presentations. 😭 I have 4 classes total.

Then I have no one who can help me pick up my son from school anymore so I have to travel back and forth to go to school, pick him up and then go back for my evening class. I feel like collapsing because I’m running around all the time and on little sleep. I’m not sleeping good anymore, too many noises and distractions. My daughter wakes up, my bf gets up really early for work and my father not being mentally well gets up a bunch of times through out the night.

I also have to worry about taking the train with mentally unstable people who lash out on anyone. I feel like I’m trapped in a lions cage and I feel like I will hyperventilate and get claustrophobic. The other day a mentally unstable homeless man was running up and down the train car screaming and threw a glass bottle towards one of the doors. I flinched and expected that he was gonna hit me or someone else on the train. I had a guy the other day throw his bottle cap at me and I ignored him as much as I wished I cursed him out because I know that he was looking for a reason to attack me. I also have to make sure that no one gets near me when the train arrives since there have been several attacks where people were pushed to their deaths.

These are some of the things I’ve been dealing with the last few months. I just hope that things get better. I can’t wait when the semester finishes in the middle of may. Then I can sort of breath again.