lynleesmom115
Andrea
Hi everyone. I’m about to be extremely vulnerable, and I want the most genuine and honest feedback, if you don’t mind. My husband and I have been together for 7yrs, married for 6. We have 5yr old & 2yr old little girls together. In the very beginning of our relationship I was extremely insecure, and we were both very young (20 when we got married). He watched porn and hid it the first 2yrs of our marriage. It damaged me to my very core. I understand that doesn’t effect every woman the same, but for me it was crushing. I stayed with him though, because I’m a Christian and divorce seemed so vile to me. Fast forward to months ago, I found out he was checking other females out on FB (he has done this many times sense he stopped watching porn) and this is another thing I hate because I gave birth to his children and I deserve to be the only woman he looks at sexually. All this time, he has what I would call “soft” narcissistic tendencies. He has never hit me, but he has charged toward me. He speaks to me like I’m a child. He controls me in some ways and he is a hot head. His character is not one I like to be associated with anymore because of how he speaks to people (he’s not very kind). Our marriage is sexless, and on my end it’s loveless. We have so many good memories. This man could be such a better man, but he never sticks with it. It’s only for so long and then it’s back to the same ol thing. I know God works miracles. I know He could fix my marriage. My husband is a Christ follower as well but he doesn’t love me the way the Bible teaches. He doesn’t do anything to prove to me that he wants this other than what he says. He does the bare minimal when it comes to our marriage. Like I said, we have so many good memories, he has been good to me in a lot of ways, but I’m starting to feel like the bad is outweighing the good. I don’t want my children to witness a bad marriage anymore. He doesn’t entertain the thought of counseling at all. I feel like if he wanted this that bad, he would make the call and initiate it. I’m just done making all the moves. Honestly, I feel so stuck and afraid of the unknown since he has been my normal for 7yrs. I just need advice. I need to know if staying is worth It. I have all the advice in the world from people who know us, but I want advice from people who don’t.
05.03.2021
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xryztalroze
I agree with giving counseling a go at church and with a licensed professional so you have two bases covered. But I will go further: if he won't go, that's on him, but you go for yourself to start with. My first bit of advice as a fellow Believer, is prayer. Pray for him, pray with him, pray with and for your children. Become the Proverbial woman and do all in your power to be everything you know the Lord is calling you to be. Give it some time. Let him witness the change in your heart. Reach out with a kind hand and a forgiving tongue. Learn to communicate your needs in a kind but strong way where he understands that God does not tolerate the way you've been speaking to one another and you will not either as you step forward. When he is rude, show kindness, when he is grumpy, show kindness. Hold his hand, give him a hug(it will be difficult and make you cringe at first, but it will get more natural with time if he sees the genuine affection from you and he will return it). Remember, love is a choice. Love is not about our emotions bc our emotions change like the wind. Make a decision to love him as you want to be loved and pray the Lord blesses you with a stronger marriage and happy relationship. If after 6 months-1 year none of this has helped or if it gets violent even one time, run and don't look back. My inbox is always open if you want to talk. Hope this helps encourage you. And I'll pray for your family and well being!!!
05.03.2021 Нравится Ответить
mybabybear
I know most people will say to leave him. But if you think you have it in you to try and save it I think you should. I think having a sit down with your husband to talk to him about going to marriage counseling. Maybe even your pastor/priest may even be willing to help giving advice to you guys (though I would prefer an actual licensed professional). Maybe he needs an outsider to shake him awake, otherwise I really feel like he will get worse. Stand up for yourself. You’re important. You’re strong. Don’t let anyone treat you otherwise.
05.03.2021 Нравится Ответить
ss3mom
I def agree with maybe trying to talk to a pastor/priest in this case. Maybe bringing it up to him that way, instead of straight counseling, may make him think differently about talking to someone outside of u. Does that make sense? I really like this idea. I mean this is a hard call. It’s hard to tell u what u should do as we don’t really know how he feels. As far as treating u this way that’s a hard no from me. No one deserves to be treated like this. Him running at u and talking to u like you’re a child is just as bad. It only takes one time for him to cross over that very thin line and become physically abusive. I mean most abusers don’t stop before hitting ya know? There was something very telling in your post and the words u used was “loveless”. Do u think there’s a way to get that love back or no? If that answer is no then I’d say u NEED to leave. Once that’s gone, and trust seems like it’s gone too, there’s not much u can do to come back from that. I’m really sorry you’re being treated like this and if u ever wanna talk, without judgement, feel free to pm me. You’re 100% right in not wanting to have your daughters witness a loveless marriage and seeing their father treat their mother this way. History will repeat itself and your daughters are going to think this is normal in a marriage. We teach then how they should be treated by future boyfriends, husbands etc. so if you don’t want your daughters to think this is normal then they need to see u sticking up for yourself. Anyway sorry my response was long but I could have gone on and on. Let me know if u wanna talk. Good luck momma you’re stronger then u know
05.03.2021 Нравится Ответить
mamaxofxtwo
Girl why did u just explain everything about my kids dad .💀 everything u literally jst said was my kids dad in our relationship but instead of the fb it was dating apps .. only advice I have is to leave .. that’s what I did .. i tried everything to make it work but I felt no love anymore I felt used and he would also charge n get in my face n speak to me like I’m a kid and try to control everything in my life . Like my family coming to visit me n my kids . You deserve someone so much better.. no woman deserves to go through that especially when all u do is try to make things work and they don’t care to ..
05.03.2021 Нравится Ответить
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I grew up with 2 parents who displayed a terrible terrible example of what marriage is and how it goes, why didnt the divorce; jesus is why, here I am 32 years old and till this day I have insecurities in my own marriage, not because of my husband but because of the things I witnessed with my parents. Something to keep in mind, as an adult they tend to brag well atleast we arent divorced, not realizing what they caused in me, all because they didnt wanna make god angry with them.
But in the end it's what you think, is it worth to keep trying or is it time to walk away.