I’m really trying my hardest to help one of my friends but it’s so hard she doesn’t listen to my advice. She’s a stay at home mom and she has 3 kids under age 5. Her husband works full time 10-12 hour shifts 6 days a week and they depend solely on his income. She’s always telling me how bad they struggle and complaining about not having money and I send her part-time jobs she could get but she says childcare is the issue. I even found a daycare that would let her bring her two younger kids that she could work at and she said she could find a sitter for her older son who is 5. Does she listen? No I literally give her money every week and no I’m not obligated but I just feel like I have to help what can I do to tell her she needs to start working because it’s literally ridiculous I’m realizing I give her like $100 a week which isn’t a lot but once I add it up that’s $400 I could be using for myself or in my own savings
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Does her husband know you’re giving her money....? Please stop. There’s no reason for her to work when you and her husband both support her. You should be on their next Christmas card. You should get to claim her as a dependent 😂
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That’s insane, just STOP!! She’s definitely taking advantage of you.
What is she spending the money on?!
There are zero excuses for her situation. She chose to stay at home and make babies, now she’s limited in her resources due to all those children and now she’s using you as a means and a scapegoat to avoid working. I absolutely do not respect that and she needs to be cut off and redirected.
My father was a single parent up in WA, their mother chooses not to work and be a dependent and try to raise money for others to buy her land she can live on. She doesn’t even pay child support now!My father had to work so he did what he needed to do, at 60 years old.
He had a childcare voucher when he lived up there and found someone to take care of the kids. My dad worked at the university and his shift was 4am-1pm. The childcare person came over at 3:30am and got the kids on the bus to school every morning. He was there every afternoon when the kids got off the bus. While they were school aged and it wasn’t a pandemic the point of the matter is he got it done. It’s not impossible to have multiple kids and get childcare. Yes, that voucher is a pain in the ass as far as finding care but if my 60 plus year old father could do it for his kids, so can a much younger mother.
Pocket your money and only point her to resources so she can work. See how quickly your budget improves. See if that friendship was true and it lasts.
Fuk that I’d just ignore all that and be like well sucks for you ... can’t save everyone kinda like my aunt she’s 77 and her three sons run shit at her house and tear everything up and won’t kick them out smfh some ppl don’t want help just hand outs 🤦♀️🥴 why would she if your giving her money I bet she would disappear if you didn’t play into it
I cut everything off today but she’s pissed about it I can tell. I sent her food bank information and she says “oh too bad this won’t get the kids diapers” like I don’t know what to tell you I tried to help for as long as I could
Why don’t they work opposite shifts so child care isn’t needed ....
At this point you're not a friend to her. Friends do not encourage and enable each other to be self destructive. You aren't helping her at this point. You know, she could have worked and the money you give her could be used to pay for child care.
Are they actually struggling or she just wishes she had more spending money? Is she late on bills and doesn’t have enough food to eat? If you want to help, maybe get her some groceries instead of giving her cash. I have never given anyone in my family cash and I never will. If they’re starving I’ll give them something to eat, but I am not an ATM. She should also be getting government assistance like WIC and food stamps right?
she says they are struggling like after bills are paid she has no money for food and gas money for her husband to make it back and fourth to work and to get the babies diapers and wipes. He doesn’t know I give them money he would be pissed if he knew and I told her today I can’t do it anymore and she said she understands but she’s still mad at me. I even sent foodbank information and she said “too bad that won’t give my kids diapers” like ok don’t make me feel bad now I helped as long as I could
@ajaecymone184, wow that’s crazy! Sorry but I have no sympathy for people like that. My mom had 5 kids and we struggled a lot. We had yard sales to earn quick cash, both my parents worked a lot and we were always late on bills. The grandmas helped us a lot with groceries. She needs to buckle down and figure out how to make it work.
Ofcourse she won’t take your advice, since she doesn’t want to jeopardize her free cash flow. There’s always ways to cut back on spending money and saving if she doesn’t want to work a little. Don’t let her keep taking advantage of your kindness.
@momgroupreject, just saying, I’ve never walked out with a half empty cart.
@dontspankme, I thought I was smart for walking in without a cart bc leggings are small and I can hold them, wrong, I walked out with 5 of them and also an 18” pizza for 10 fucking dollars.
@momgroupreject, hahaha dumbass! The pizza is sooo worth it tho
Your intentions are good, but the reality is, you're enabling her to stay home and to abuse your relationship. Whether intentional or not(obviously I don't know her so don't mean to be rude, but stating what I see) she is taking advantage of you. The only right thing to do is to cut her off. You did not make those babies with her. It is not your responsibility to pay their way. They need to take responsibility and make good choices. Taking your money is not a good choice. It's selfish and rude. A hand up is one thing, but taking advantage and expecting a hand out is ridiculous!!! Sorry mama. Cut her off and if she is still around in the long run you can say it was a learning experience for both of you, but if not, you'll be saving yourself more stress and unwarranted pain down the road. $400x6(months)=$2,400. One year would be $4,800. How better could you use that sum of money for your own needs and children's future???
Where there is a will there is a way.
She obviously has no will.
I get you want to be a good friend especially when there’s children involved but under the circumstances you’ve said; STOP GIVING HER MONEY. You’re enabling it. Now I can tell you have a big heart but sometimes you just have to put your foot down for yourself and for your own family.
She’s a more of a capable adult to go get a job. You’ve even sent her many opportunities that she is refusing.
My parents worked separate shifts to make it work. My dad was morning and my mom worked nights. Yes it was hard but you do what you gotta do.
Random honest opinion;? You are practically paying her to be lazy. Maybe if you stop giving her money, then she'll come to understand your point. Nobody gives some "$400" a month to someone who's not even willing to work on their own. Maybe you need to stop making her think she can JUST rely on you.🤦🏻♀️
Honestly hun🤷🏻♀️
I wish I had a friend like you. Just stop...I couldn't imagine giving an able-bodied married woman an allowance each week 😳
You’re reinforcing her/their behavior because you keep sending her money. Cut it out and then see how she acts.
Does her husband know you’re giving her money....? Please stop. There’s no reason for her to work when you and her husband both support her. You should be on their next Christmas card. You should get to claim her as a dependent 😂
@ajaecymone184, I get that one hand washes the other kinda thing she helped you and you are returning the favor but it’s not in her best interest she isn’t really trying to work the excuses are coming to easy for her without actually getting a job to see how she can work it out around her husband schedule so they won’t have to pay child care
@momgroupreject, yeah my mom thinks so to. She offered emotional support which I really needed but you’re right I don’t owe her anything. I told her today that I can’t do it anymore she wasn’t happy about it but she understands
@ajaecymone184, if you feel like you owe her something..... it does not mean monetary. Get what you give. I’m proud of you for saying that to her!!!! Good job, don’t let her manipulate you again.
Very easy stop giving her money. Eventually she’ll get the memo and start doing what’s necessary to take care of her family. Being a stay at home mom is for families that can afford it if her husbands income is barely cutting it she needs to stop making excuses and get her ass up and find a job. Find a family member who can watch the kids or they can work opposite hours so one person can stay with the children but he shouldn’t have to work like a slave just to barely make means meet if she’s not even working herself and continuously uses a excuse that can easily be solved because affordable childcare isn’t hard to find these days.
It's hard, but doable to both work without daycare. It sucks ass, I work 5pm/6pm-2am 4 days a week while their dad works morning-4pm. You're a great friend but i agree with pp, youre being taken advantage of.
This is mind blowing.
Stop giving her money.
She needs to file for assistance.
They as a couple need to cut down and prioritize.
Stop letting people take advantage of you.
Science!
My friend posted this on facebook last night and said her kids were asleep within minutes. It's a song that scientists created to help people fall asleep. I was skeptical but I thought what the hay, I'll try it out. I didn't bank on Dh falling asleep, but both him and lo were asleep by minute 2. And lo slept six straight hours. ?
Starting TWW. Anyone else?
I had a stillborn daughter at 38 weeks this passed Nov. This is my second month ttc. (Last month we only tried for like two weeks though). My last and only pregnancy, I got pregnant the first month of ttc so I hope it's quick this time again.
My sweet baby girl gained her angel wings this morning. She was my best friend, my true love my everything. She was so happy and beautiful, I'm struggling to say good bye. Sleep tight princess, mummy and daddy love you very very much ❤️
Hi
I am into my 15 week now
But since last two days am not having good feeling....I just feel something is wrong inside wid d kid...all my symptoms r too less
Morning sickness is gone....Metallic taste of my tounge is also less....and I feel pain in my abdoman twice or thrice which is very minor though
What should i do i am very confused
Already have gone through 5 scans because of changing gynec
Just feel that untill i hear the heartbeat or see my kid i wont b ok....got sleepless nights
Trigger. Lost baby
Went in for my 20 week check up and found out our son had passed away. Nothing was wrong, my pregnancy has been going great. I'm so numb right now. I'll he delivering him later this week. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Not before Christmas. How am I'm going to tell my kids?? My dear sweet baby boy. Why did this happen?
This is mind blowing.
Stop giving her money.
She needs to file for assistance.
They as a couple need to cut down and prioritize.
Stop letting people take advantage of you.