8 Years Without My Big Brother: Could I Have Changed Anything?

8 years tomorrow. It has been 8 long years without my big brother. 8 years of not seeing his face, hearing his voice, getting any of his big bear hugs, or just being able to be around him. I miss him so bad. He wasn't just my brother, he was my first best friend. We had our typical sibling fights and didn't like each other sometimes, but at the end of the day he was always my big brother.

This day is etched in my brain. I cannot and do not want to forget it. I was the last person in my family to be able to see my brother alive. Last person to give him a hug and say goodbye. He wanted me to hang out with him longer that night. Wanted me to go with him to the party, but going and hanging out with my best friend was more important than hanging out with my brother.

I still wanna blame myself for you being gone, but I know I can't. Who knows what would have happened if I was with you? Would you have let me drive your truck? Would you still be alive if I did? Or would I be laying in a casket next to you?

I'm gonna stop rambling now, because I'm sure none of you want to read this.

RIP big brother. I miss you and love you so much. 8/11/1991-3/8/2012