@watz thank you for this I truly appreciate all of this. I took some time to just get myself together and I'm making the call tomorrow to set up his appointment. I'd be lying to you if I said I wasnt scared, I'm taking it day by day.

Again thank you for being that lending hand that I needed when no one else listens. You're and angel!! Thank you for being the guide I needed to help me navigate this journey and for helping his mama.

My daughter was diagnosed with ASD when she was 3 years old. She's 4 years old now and will be 5 in Aug.

I knew at 13 months that she was autistic and it took me 2 years of fighting doctors to finally get a diagnosis. I was constantly told that "all children develop differently" "you're just a worried 1st time mom" "stop looking for something to be wrong" but I knew what was going on and I felt that nobody would listen. It was incredibly frustrating.

I can understand the feeling of mourning. I personally had a short period of time of mourning too, I mourned for the child that I thought I had. I also felt scared for how my daughter would navigate this world.

But then I realized something... A lot of parents at some point in time mourn their child for not being who they thought they would be/ become.

For example: I had a friend who's parents disowned him and kicked him out of the house when he told his parents he was quitting med school and going into finance. He's parents from a young age always pushed him to be a doctor. He tried hard to make his parents happy and proud of him, but he just didn't want to be a doctor.

Another friend of mine, his parents wept and wept when he came out as gay. So upsetting for a 15 year old . He's mother right then and there made ridiculous sobbing comments about how he was robbing her of ever becoming a grandmother.

I remember thinking how horrible it was that my friend's parents didn't accept them for who they were... and then I realized that I was doing the samething with my daughter. And I was mortified.

Then I realized how lucky I was to have figured all this out while my daughter was still young enough to not remember how I mourned for the loss of an idea, and idea that didn't actually reflect who she ever really was to begin with. (Really dodged a bullet there)

I sat myself down and thought about what I really wanted for my beautiful little girl, and I realized that my wants didn't change. I wanted her to feel loved, and proud of her accomplishments, and to be happy, and to grow up to be the best person she could possibly be. Autism changed nothing about what I truly hoped for her.

So, I set my grief aside, and got to work. I read every book I could get my hands on about Autism and learned what techniques and therapies would work best for nurturing her. (There was a lot of trial and error in the beginning because all autistics just like all neurotypicals are different)

I turned my house into a make shift Occupational Therapy center. Because her vestibular system is wonky and she needs help with gross and fine motor activities.

She had a hard time communicating verbally, so I learned basic sign language and taught her. Slowly she started to sign her needs and eventually started to speak.

I've watched a lot of autistic's YouTube channels where they discuss what it's like for them being autistic.

I joined an amino group so I can ask actual autistics questions to gain insight when my daughter's behavior baffles me.

And the most important thing that I have done was give myself the permission to actually enjoy being the mother to the smartest, funniest, sweetest, most determined, and wonderful little girl. She's my heart and I am blessed.

Autism is scary and an overwhelming thing in the beginning but please remember that being autistic doesn't automatically predestine an unfulfilling, unhappy life.

I promise you that you and your son will find your way.

If you have any questions or just want to chat feel free to message me.