How do I handle this ??
I watch a 4 yr old boy from 2:30-5pm . I pick him up from kindergarten and we go to his house until his mom comes home. We get to their home, I ask him to use the bathroom and if he would like a snack . The snack is placed out for him by his mom usually, and if not we check the fridge for a healthy snack. During the time we are there he is not allowed any screen time.
I just started this job last week. This little boy is a typical 4 yr old which is expected . Loud, running around, just all around hyper. When he swings or throws toys I will say “Gavin, please don’t do that” in a stern voice. Stands on chairs, jumps on the couch, throws toys at the tree....
I repeat myself a million times and he will look me in my eyes and continue what he is doing!!! He has no regard for what I say or care. I tell him I’m going to tell his mom and he doesn’t care. My biggest concern is him getting hurt or Bella !! I told his mom I can’t watch him anymore if he continues not to listen. I don’t expect him to be a “perfect” 4yr old but I will not be ignored..
So I told her we can try again tomorrow and depending on tomorrow we will decide on where to go from there. She’s a single mom with not many options but I can’t have him throwing things and climbing furniture because god forbid either kids get hurt.
How should I go about tomorrow ?? I tried to take a toy away today and he had a full blown tug of war with me . I let go and told him I will not have a tug of war with him. After he ran around saying the truck was his and I can’t touch it!! I felt defeated !!!
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Call Santa 🎅 and tell him Gavin is being bad I don’t think he needs toys this year. Then tell Gavin once you start being good I’ll call Santa back and tell him your being good again
I’d make a naughty step and make him sit for his age number every toy he throws take it and put it in a bag when she gets home tell her what’s up 💯🤷🏼♀️
That’s a good idea !! He usually doesn’t listen to me at all, like straight up ignore me. But I’ll give it a try !
When he wants to throw, replace the toy with something soft. Let him get it out of his system without denying him the entire experience. For example, when my son wants to jump, I take him over to a mattress we have on the floor in his room. If he wants to throw, I give him a soft ball. It helps tremendously. Don’t fight fire with fire. Try to understand the root of his behavior and find another way to satisfy his urge.
I couldn't give any better advice than the above ladies!! I absolutely agree with trying to be on the same page as the mother with discipline. If she disciplines, it will help the boundaries when you do.. If she doesn't then there isnt much you can do besides stop watching him bc it will be absolutely one sided. Good luck to you and the momma, its hard being a single mom and trying to find what works on your own. But she has to be a disciplinarian too. ❤
I do try to the best of my ability with my daughter being there as well. Coloring books, books, games, dancing, singing. But dancing turns into throwing himself into my 1 yr old and knocking her down. Singing turns to screaming ( which is 1 of the moms rules) books get turned down, coloring lasts 2 min, and the toys for games get thrown as hard as he can at walls or anything he sees
When u see him starting to not behave just say in a whisper voice , hey gavin i have a fun game to play come see or come here ill show you!! Lowering your voice as to all most whispering will often change the kids behaviour since hes intrigued in what u will tell him!!! Before being a nursed i work will kids in foster and ive learned so much!! Its soo much easier with other children if you try to do things that hes not use to like building castle with blankets and such telling him hes the dragon or this or that make it fun ( not saying u are not) but just be positive that tomorrow will be really fun
I will definitely try the whispering!! I have offered to make Christmas ornaments and fun activities and he usually says no thank you. He wants to just do everything his mom would say is a big no no. I feel like he sees this time as a free for all.
@brianamestichelli, wow sounds like a lil bum lolll than be boring and tell him if thats how your gonna act than we are not gonna do anything at all!!
That’s a tough spot to be in mama. I’m not even really sure what to suggest cause I’m not sure what I’d do. If he watched tv I’d suggest taking the remotes & not allowing any tv when he snatched the toy but you said he doesn’t get to so you can’t take that away. & if you try taking another toy away in replacement I just see that ending badly too. His mom honestly needs to put her foot down & make it clear to him you are to Be taken just as seriously as if it were her. & she needs to back you up by saying if you tell her he wasn’t behaved she’s going to punish him. Whether it be take his toy or whatever she chooses, it lets him know that he’s going to be in trouble & it’s not a free for all when mom isn’t home.
Yes ! The mom texted me when I got home saying that when she talked to him he mentioned that he was hungry and that’s why he acted the way he did ... I explained how he was offered a snack and denied it all day . I need her backup or else this won’t work !
I read this and though to myself and wondered if Mom practices time in place with him, but I also thought about the deposits/withdrawals thing I learned at a parenting class. Reprimanding is considered a withdrawal, so for every withdrawal we have to deposit five positives about the child. Like “hey, I asked you I do something and you listened the first time I asked and you did it! I really liked that. Once they pick up on that they tend to be really good because they want that positive interaction with you. Maybe start with watching him and complimenting him on all the good things you see and see if that makes a difference in how he treats you.
But seriously, I’d ask if mom practices time in place. All kids need a safe zone to go calm down and regulate themselves that doesn’t seem like a real punishment but is understood, this is where you go to calm down and get that attitude in check. My son just turned 5 and between 3.5-4 I had similar challenges. Since he was 4 he’s had a chair in the corner of his room with some fidget toys in a basket next to it. It has a shade on it to completely cover himself so he can go in there, hide, cry, fidget and come back out in a few minutes calmer and saying “I feel better, can I play now please”. It works for us. He’s always better, more willing to listen and share after a few minutes of time in place. Sometimes he even goes into his “egg” himself now until he feels better.
Talk to mom, try to see if you two can get on the same page. If you don’t think it’ll work after that, then I would be like “I tried working in tandem with you, but this is too risky for my daughter to be around so I must gracefully exit the situation”