I have never wanted anything more in life than to be a mother. After almost two years of trying and a miscarriage, I had lost hope. Then,
when I stopped charting my ovulation and quit paying attention to my periods there it was...a little blue plus sign. I remember feeling a rush of emotion, not just any emotion, but all of them all at once. I couldn't believe I was finally going to have my miracle baby. I was both overjoyed and terrified at the same time. I almost couldn't believe it! But as the days passed and my period was still a no show, reality finally sank in. I could not have been any happier.
Fast forward 30 weeks to today.
I often feel guilty because of my own emotions. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that I am about to give birth to a beautiful baby boy, but I don't think a single part of me has enjoyed this pregnancy. It's been a rollercoaster for sure, but the honest truth is that I have never been more sad, and I have never felt more alone than I have these last 9 months. This is when the guilt kicks in. I try to tell myself its only 40 weeks and 40 pounds. Of course that is worth the beautiful baby I have spent so many nights praying for. So why do I feel so down all the time? I wish I knew the answer. I wish I had a better support system. I just feel like my inner voice is trying so hard to be heard over this depression. Maybe these horrible feelings of loneliness and pure sadness will go away once I am finally able to hold my son in my arms.
Four and a half short weeks to go. I can do this.
I am not sure why I am writing this here. I guess even if no one is reading this, at least I can pretend to be heard. And to be honest, I feel quite relieved after writing this pity party of mine .
#myfirstpost
Комментарии
Pregnancy is hard. If I'm being honest I have felt alone this entire pregnancy as well. Even with people surrounding me. The emotions that come with pregnancy are extremely difficult. It will get better mama I promise.
It'll be so worth it to hold that precious little boy after, and if it doesn't go away right away that's normal too, I'm currently fighting ppd and it's been hard, I havent sought help from my doctor yet because as of the moment I don't have insurance but will soon again but I have a good support group from mama's on here that will listen when I need them to, please feel free to reach out to me if you ever need to vent or talk about anything at all, you got this girl just belive in yourself and know you are not alone. That was what was the hardest for me was feeling alone and somedays I still feel that way and I break down a lot. But belive me. You are NOT alone! I'm here for you and so are all these other mamas. Stay strong you're in my prayers ❤️
We mother's deal with a lot so I understand what you are going through. Don't worry once your baby boy is here you'll feel better ❤️
Babygirl you will be a amazing mother I remember feeling that way In my pregnancy,
That means so much to me. I'm surrounded by so much negativity it is so nice to hear something positive! Thank you for reading my post!
@paigeschrader, that’s not good girl that’s to stessfull please talk to me if you feel down or anything 💓
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I think women in general are plagued by guilt. We have high expectations. Ultimately, you are human. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You do your best and just keep moving forward as you have.