Feeling Needy and Ignored: How to Cope with Emotional Distance?

@aylenrose, same here girl. And yet he talks about wanting to have another child. I’m like get out of here with that stuff. Until I see that you need to be the dad I want you to be then we will talk about it.

@momma_of_1 right it's like some people think having another baby will just solve those issues. Sometimes I feel like we should have waited because of how distant he is right now and how he doesn't really want to help out. I definitely don't regret this baby I love her so much already and she is our rainbow baby but I just wish he would be there more emotionally for me and want to help out more.

@aylenrose, yea I know how that feels. I feel the same way with our daughter. Like before he goes to bed he will just give her a kiss and that’s it.

I've already told him how I'm feeling and he just tells me he wants to relax before work and not be cramped on the couch with me. I always apologize for being needy sometimes and tell him its because he's the only adult interaction I get during the day and I do let him off easy most of the time because I don't want him to be exhausted by me but I guess no matter what he is.

@aylenrose okay so are you okay with living like that forever even after the baby comes? You have to start thinking about yourself like I said you have needs too dont ever apologize for it. Hes going to get comfortable with what you allow him to do to you. Do wait until you're all fed up to address it.

@aylenrose Trust me I know it's hard. I've had to make it very clear that after the hour or two I give him, I need his support and to feel like he's actually present. I know you aren't trying to be all over him or overwhelm him. He's your bestfriend and the person you want to spend time with! There's nothing wrong with that at all. It just might help to give him a bit more space so you both enjoy the time you do spend together. Finding that balance is so hard. We're not even there yet but this system I have works for right now. My husband seems so much happier with me haha. I'm a talker so I know I get on his nerves. 😂

@madhatter yeah I haven't went into the room once since he mentioned being smothered and I can talk to if I'm comfortable with someone and I just like to be involved lol I'll try taking another step back even if I gave him a few hours he would still not want to be completely present but I guess I should let him come to me.

@aylenrose It's give and take. If he isn't willing to compromise that's not fair either. This isn't all on you. He needs to make an effort as well. It's fine if he wants space but he also has to acknowledge your needs. It's not fair for him to come home and ditch you every night. I would make him start scheduling his video game times. It doesn't need to be a daily thing. And he doesn't need to watch multiple shows. He can watch one and then come be a part of his family. You should feel loved and wanted. That's part of marriage and what he signed up for. I'm sorry he's doing that you. That's not okay at all. I would tell him you need more from him. It would be different if you were just on him every day as soon as he walked in and didn't give him any space. You have every right to ask for some more attention from him. Hang in there 💜

Yeah it is a lonely feeling like you don't have someone to interact with and share your interests and thoughts with. Mine works in retail so I get being burnt out and I try to give him space so he can watch his shows and play his games. Thanks for the invitation to talk I might take you up on that. :)

@aylenrose yeah I agree and yeah I understand the being tired but there's a time we just want attention and love I mean we're always with our children who don't always understand. Sounds good I'll be waiting :)

That's what it feels like it's like he is here but just not here. I guess I miss when he would want to cuddle and be near me but I know 5 years can do that to you. Maybe we can try a date night if he is into the idea.

@aylenrose, it’s hard work. A relationship is a full time job. I’ve been with my hubby for almost 16 years (counting the time we were dating). And sheesh I tell you there were lots of ups and downs and many “dry spells. “ Add in kids, bills, personal health, work and life stressors in general and honestly I feel zapped of energy a lot. My husband doesn’t quite understand me. He acknowledges that we are just very different. What I worry about during my day-to-day life is significantly different than what he thinks about or worries about. Its a communication barrier at times bc we can be so different. That said, your SO wanting space can just mean he has things on his mind he doesn’t quite know how to share it with you. He may not even connect that him leaving the room insulted you. However, I understand how you feel. I’d feel hurt too.

I know I can be lovey dovey but a lot of the time I just like to be in the same room even if I'm just to myself on the other side of the couch.