Feeling Needy and Ignored: How to Cope with Emotional Distance?
I hate this. I feel so needy we live 4 hours away from any of my family and old friends so I literally have no one but my husband to talk to. So when he is home I try to get all the adult interaction I can get. I can tell he is just over me he gave me the controller and told me to put on whatever I wanted to watch because he watched what he wanted. So I put a show on Netflix on and he disappeared after about an hour or two I went to our room and he's laying on the bed watching our TV. I asked him if he wanted the living room TV he could use it and he said he would rather relax before work and not be smothered by me on the couch. Maybe its hormones but it kind of hurt my feelings. I do sit next to him on the couch but I try to give him room but our toddler likes to join us. I mean I get you needing you time but he does get it all the time. He plays games with his friends and when he isn't doing that he has his shows on and tuning me out. Just feel really emotional about it.
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@aylenrose, same here girl. And yet he talks about wanting to have another child. I’m like get out of here with that stuff. Until I see that you need to be the dad I want you to be then we will talk about it.
@momma_of_1 right it's like some people think having another baby will just solve those issues. Sometimes I feel like we should have waited because of how distant he is right now and how he doesn't really want to help out. I definitely don't regret this baby I love her so much already and she is our rainbow baby but I just wish he would be there more emotionally for me and want to help out more.
@aylenrose, yea I know how that feels. I feel the same way with our daughter. Like before he goes to bed he will just give her a kiss and that’s it.
I had to reread to find out if he was boyfriend or husband. Now as HUSBAND to a PREGNANT wife he should be a MAN and make you feel the best you can feel. Its his job as a husband and I'm sure it was said in your vows to love eachother unconditionally. You need to voice your feelings and he should already know that you need attention especially if hes working all day he needs make time for his wife and stop being selfish. He knew what he was getting into when he got you pregnant! Don't let him off easy because by you doing that you're saying its okay for you to feel the way you do and you don't deserve that. Good luck. Also if he can make time to play little games with his friends you should be be top priority first.
I've already told him how I'm feeling and he just tells me he wants to relax before work and not be cramped on the couch with me. I always apologize for being needy sometimes and tell him its because he's the only adult interaction I get during the day and I do let him off easy most of the time because I don't want him to be exhausted by me but I guess no matter what he is.
@aylenrose okay so are you okay with living like that forever even after the baby comes? You have to start thinking about yourself like I said you have needs too dont ever apologize for it. Hes going to get comfortable with what you allow him to do to you. Do wait until you're all fed up to address it.
I can relate to this quite a bit. My husband has never voiced it or put it so harshly but I can tell sometimes he just needs time to himself. He works with people all day and just needs a little break when he gets home. We live in a different state than either of our families and I have very few friends. He's pretty much the only human interaction I have on a daily basis unless I have doctors appointments. Maybe giving him an hour or so to decompress before you start trying to talk with him. As far as the being on top of him, is there anywhere else you could sit so you aren't always right next to each other? As much as it stinks, giving my husband his space and letting him come to me makes our interactions so much more pleasant. That way he's ready and he can be attentive without feeling overwhelmed by me. I hope things get better for you. It's really hard being so alone all day. 🙁
@aylenrose Trust me I know it's hard. I've had to make it very clear that after the hour or two I give him, I need his support and to feel like he's actually present. I know you aren't trying to be all over him or overwhelm him. He's your bestfriend and the person you want to spend time with! There's nothing wrong with that at all. It just might help to give him a bit more space so you both enjoy the time you do spend together. Finding that balance is so hard. We're not even there yet but this system I have works for right now. My husband seems so much happier with me haha. I'm a talker so I know I get on his nerves. 😂
@madhatter yeah I haven't went into the room once since he mentioned being smothered and I can talk to if I'm comfortable with someone and I just like to be involved lol I'll try taking another step back even if I gave him a few hours he would still not want to be completely present but I guess I should let him come to me.
@aylenrose It's give and take. If he isn't willing to compromise that's not fair either. This isn't all on you. He needs to make an effort as well. It's fine if he wants space but he also has to acknowledge your needs. It's not fair for him to come home and ditch you every night. I would make him start scheduling his video game times. It doesn't need to be a daily thing. And he doesn't need to watch multiple shows. He can watch one and then come be a part of his family. You should feel loved and wanted. That's part of marriage and what he signed up for. I'm sorry he's doing that you. That's not okay at all. I would tell him you need more from him. It would be different if you were just on him every day as soon as he walked in and didn't give him any space. You have every right to ask for some more attention from him. Hang in there 💜
I completely understand the feeling I don't live to far from my family who are in Burbank, CA and well my brothers live in other states Nevada and Virginia. So that is really hard and I do always feel how you feel lonely and in need of adult interaction. Usually my husband would work a lot he's in construction and when he's home he just wants to relax and sleep or play with our son. But when I talk he says I talk to much lol. Believe me u feel lonely a lot of the time too, so if you ever want to talk to someone you could always message me :)
Yeah it is a lonely feeling like you don't have someone to interact with and share your interests and thoughts with. Mine works in retail so I get being burnt out and I try to give him space so he can watch his shows and play his games. Thanks for the invitation to talk I might take you up on that. :)
@aylenrose yeah I agree and yeah I understand the being tired but there's a time we just want attention and love I mean we're always with our children who don't always understand. Sounds good I'll be waiting :)
I understand the feeling. A person can be physically there but emotionally absent. There is no “connection. “ no meaningful conversation. It’s a hard balance. To give husband benefit of the doubt he needs time at home to decompress from work. At the same time being home also means he needs to fulfill his duties with marriage and family. Maybe this warrants you to schedule a date for just you and him. Sucks to have to schedule time to spend together but I feel like that’s the world we live in now.
That's what it feels like it's like he is here but just not here. I guess I miss when he would want to cuddle and be near me but I know 5 years can do that to you. Maybe we can try a date night if he is into the idea.
@aylenrose, it’s hard work. A relationship is a full time job. I’ve been with my hubby for almost 16 years (counting the time we were dating). And sheesh I tell you there were lots of ups and downs and many “dry spells. “ Add in kids, bills, personal health, work and life stressors in general and honestly I feel zapped of energy a lot. My husband doesn’t quite understand me. He acknowledges that we are just very different. What I worry about during my day-to-day life is significantly different than what he thinks about or worries about. Its a communication barrier at times bc we can be so different. That said, your SO wanting space can just mean he has things on his mind he doesn’t quite know how to share it with you. He may not even connect that him leaving the room insulted you. However, I understand how you feel. I’d feel hurt too.
I can’t speak to your relationship because I don’t know him. But here’s mine. I live about 6 hours away from my sister and like 12 from the rest of my family. Most of my communication is with my SO. I do get where he’s coming from, sometimes I just want my personal space because my SO is so lovey-Dovey. I get on his nerves sometimes too because I want to talk and have a full on conversation but I don’t think he would specifically move rooms or say that I’m smothering him. That would hurt my feelings too.
I know I can be lovey dovey but a lot of the time I just like to be in the same room even if I'm just to myself on the other side of the couch.
Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,
his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...
Will your Mom be in the delivery room?
My mom made it sound like she was gonna be in the delivery room when I give birth, and quite frankly, I would just like it to be me and my fiancé. It's our first, and I want to share that special moment with just him. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I know this is something she would really like to be a part of. So I feel bad telling her no.
So its really over between me n him. Im angry n hurt. He block me from reaching out to him. Im so upset. So i want him to be punish for hurting me. What should i do? I have naked pics of him i want to put out. I want to call his job get him fired. Im so hurt. This is his first child n he dont even want to be here for the birth. 4 damn yrs n it come to this. What should i do? I want Revenge
Ok, so my friend is wanting to get pregnant but..... Her fiancé does not want kids, at lease for another 3-5 years he said... so she came up with the idea to have me pee on a stick for her and show it to him so that he’ll be comfortable with not wearing a condom and finishing in her.. basically the whole idea is to make him think she’s pregnant already...... so I do this favor for her or should I tell my girl to chill?
He and my husband are friends through us and he’s going to invite him over...
Question. I just left my husband for cheating and now hes been harassing me. Hes threatening to come get our son. I dont care if he sees his son but I'm not comfortable with him leaving with him bc hes never taken care of him a day In his life and he might use him against me. Am I wrong for feeling this way??
I know how you feel, although I’m not pregnant myself but we have a 4 year old daughter together. All what my boyfriend wants to do after he comes home is relax and just be on his phone. Like he doesn’t tell me how his day is or nothing. Like he will say hi to our daughter and give her hugs and kisses but that’s about it. And I get it cuz he works in chemicals but outside tho so now it’s starting to get hot. So we hardly talk. Sunday’s are our only days together cuz he doesn’t work that day.