How do you help someone whose been the victim of domestic violence? My best friends husband was abusive. He beat the crap out of her multiple times until the very last time when he almost killed her and I called the cops in her town because she wasn’t going to. She left him, but he keeps trying to weezle his way back in. This morning he arrived with a police escort to get the rest of his stuff from the apartment. There is a TPO in place. That asshole tried to kiss her when the cops weren’t looking and she didn’t say anything. Like you haven’t already done enough to her already?!?!? You’ve broken her. How can I help her to move past him and heal herself? Can I help her to move past him? Are there support groups for women who’ve left a DV situation?
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Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do until she's ready to get away from him for good. Therapy would definitely help her, she needs it. Maybe something that would help would be for her to move to a new apartment? I kind of skimmed through this post and see that she can't move too far away from her daughters father because of their custody agreement....but maybe you could encourage her to start looking for a new apartment? Somewhere where her ex doesn't know exactly where she lives and the memories won't haunt her?
@squishymommy1 I think so too...A change of scenery/neighborhood, new neighbors that she can get to know (without worrying if they've heard arguments coming from her apartment, etc), a new apartment she can decorate to her liking, maybe even new stores/markets she can enjoy shopping at...new world, new outlook on life...Since your far away...maybe you can send her a nice picture frame for her new place or decor you know she would like, idk...or a new key chain with some kind of encouraging words/quote for her new apartment keys... She's lucky to have a friend like you 🤗
What is the custody arrangement like? Could she and her kids move in with you for a couple weeks while you help get on her feet in WA? I know you said her daughters' dad is in Delaware, so that may not even be feasible to make a cross country move. Just tossing out ideas.
@squishymommy1 THERAPY. There isn't a person in this world that wouldn't benefit from therapy.
@northwoodsmomma, legit 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻. I’m such a huge advocate for therapy
I agree with @lakota-winyan there's really nothing you can do until she's had enough! I was with a man for 2 years that not only physically abused me but sexually and emotionally as well... the day I realized I had enough was when he beat me so bad and then choked me to the point of unconsciousness, that night when he fell asleep.. I called my mom, I didn't even pack anything I just left! He made me think for 2 years that what he was doing to me was my fault.. and that if i ever left him no one would want me cause i wasn't and never would be good enough, to this day I still have trust issues... I'm still scared to go out sometimes, I never got any kind of help like counseling or anything but I'm sure that would help! I hope your friend realizes that she's better than that and can open her eyes and realize that it will never get better if she stays 😔
Hugs mama. I just want her safe and alive.
@squishymommy1 I hope she realizes sooner rather than later that she needs to get away from him!
Can you send her on a vacation or something? In my experience, it’s really hard to not go back especially when he’s right there and still willing to “try” and make things work. They have an extremely toxic relationship and it will just be a recurring cycle if someone doesn’t break it for good. She needs to be far away from him or do something different because it’s nearly impossible to start over when everything around her is still the same except him. It may feel like the only thing missing in her life is him. She needs to be really strong and/or have help. I had so many friends helping me with my break up from my abusive ex that would text me paragraphs/pages about why he’s a dick, why I’m worth more than that, etc. and it weirdly helped so much, in hindsight, lol. At the time it was really weird and I wasn’t buying any of it. But I also had a friend sweep me away to a casino/hotel/spa resort for the weekend in AC. It was exactly what I needed to remember that I have so much more life to live and enough of it had already been centered around that one fool. It was finally clear to me I needed to move on.
@mom.uncensored, the girls dad still hits on her. So he still loves her 😆😆. He was really upset about the whole situation in general. Their divorce was messy but he still loves her and definitely never ever would want to see her hurt. Ever. He was a terrible husband, and he’s not the greatest dad. But he definitely would never wish for her to be in this situation. I had mentioned moving out of jersey to her and she had put in for a transfer at her job before the whole almost beating you to death thing, but thus far it hasn’t been approved because there’s no open spots in Delaware or anywhere really and she’s a manager. It’s hard being so far away and not being able to physically help her.
@squishymommy1, Maybe she will be willing to look at other jobs in Delaware? Although it’s understandable if she wants to stay with her company. I’m so sorry y’all are going through all this. Hopefully soon this will all be in the past and she will be moved on from her ex and happy in her new life.
@mom.uncensored, i hope so too girl. Shes my counterweight in life and I don’t know what I would do if something happened to her.
I was in one for three years and it was so bad. There was times I was beat up so bad I couldn’t leave the house for weeks. One day while he was on a binge, I packed up all my shit and left. I was harassed for a bout a year before I made the decision to move out of town. I had restraining orders on him and his family. My uncle passed away a couple years later, and he had the nerve to show up at the funeral. He tried to hug me and kiss me and tell me he loves me. I just pushed him away, my brother got up and told him he needed to leave. Later that day I was getting gas before coming back to Rapid City. He showed up at the gas station and start hollering at me, “you’re in Rapid fucking those N*****!” He tried to reach in the door and hit me. My brother got out and choke slammed him to the ground. He still around and in Rapid City now but I haven’t ran into him. To this day I’m deathly afraid of him. And that was like 14 years ago. No matter who try to help me it did not work I had to help myself and realize enough is enough.
Im sorry your best friend is going through this. I don’t have any advise as i need it myself, my brother in law is in jail currently for domestic violence, my husband is trying to get him out but i feel nothing but disgust for him!
You can call local shelters and see if they offer a support group.
Unfortunately my mother suffered from Stockholm syndrome and she never did move past it or saw anything wrong...
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Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do until she's ready to get away from him for good. Therapy would definitely help her, she needs it. Maybe something that would help would be for her to move to a new apartment? I kind of skimmed through this post and see that she can't move too far away from her daughters father because of their custody agreement....but maybe you could encourage her to start looking for a new apartment? Somewhere where her ex doesn't know exactly where she lives and the memories won't haunt her?