Two weeks ago I realized P had actually dated a woman that we see regularly back in 08 and never told me. I felt a little hurt but I let it go.
Two days ago, I stumble across a document while grabbing our sons ssc. Not only did they date, they got MARRIED. We've been together five years, known each other at least nine and not once did he tell me. If I wouldn't have found the certificate I STILL wouldn't know.
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😳hiding a marriage? I would wonder what else is being kept from you.
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All my w2s are in and I'm thinking about using my refund to leave.
Do you have somewhere to go or are you just going to figure it out?
@queenmeeks I would have to rent a place. I dont have a job yet but I've never had a problem finding work. Just something I've been thinking about today.
If I were you, I would consider googling the clerk of court where they got married and searching for the divorce decree. Has he produced it yet?
I haven't asked him for it yet. Last night we got into a huge argument and I just stopped talking to him bc of how he was acting.
@divinely_favored, you’re welcome. This is truly a messed up situation. Protect your spirit and your heart because he’s all around foul for how he has behaved.
Listen. I’m going to be very blunt and hope you really think on this. This “man” ain’t the one. He has disrespected you countless times while you’re carrying his child, he showed his ass saying the baby wasn’t his, the baby look tf just like him. He still paid hundreds of dollars for a DNA test. He hid a MARRIAGE from you. He has shown you time and time again why you shouldn’t be with him. I understand you are in love. I understand he loves your kids. I understand he is the father of your child, however this man isn’t a young cat. He isn’t going to change. You need to love yourself and know your worth and kick his ass to the curb. You are giving him your all to not receive the same in return. My heart breaks for you. It truly does because he is dragging you down and making you doubt yourself when you should be doubting him. Stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself how strong, smart and beautiful you are. You don’t need him. Much love. And I mean that.
I'm not sure. For the most part he's a good guy. He's great to my son and our baby. He's a good provider. He doesn't game or party.
But I think he takes me for granted sometimes. I believe he loves me and the boys but our relationship is not good right now even before this.
He didn't think he could have kids and even dna tested our son. 😡I made a couple posts about it. So during my pregnancy I was soo depressed. I still have resentment for that. He as there physically but emotionally it was garbage.
He's still struggling with the past too. The difference I changed my whole life to show him that he and the boys are priority. I cut out anyone that was destructive. I can't ask him to do that. And now I can't help but think back to all the family functions and phone calls and times. He wasn't just talking to friend it was his ex wife!
A strong foundation is built on trust. When one of the pillars cracks the foundation, you lose the strength of a relationship and it can never go back the same way. Yours was built on a cracked foundation- you are just finding out about it now which is even worse. Every thing you thought you knew was built on a lie. So... can you trust anything? (You don't have to answer this, just something to think about) can you live a life wondering if there are other cracks you aren't aware of? Having some good qualities doesn't automatically Make a good partner. True partners build a life with a foundation of honesty, respect and values. None of which exist in your relationship right now. He didn't come clean, he allowed you to look like a fool to his family and her, he still cannot give you answers. Unacceptable. Is this something you can truly forgive and forget? I don't think you'll know the answer until you have all the answers.
I dont want to talk to her about it because I dont want her to see how devastated I feel. He's been totally supportive about the rage/devastation/ betrayal/ humiliation I've expressed. I just dont even know what to say anymore.
@divinely_favored depends on the city or town. Usually only costs money if you want a copy of it. (And even then less than $20) you should be able to view it for free though.
I'd actually ask her for proof that they're divorced. He hasn't been upfront with you before, so probably won't now. I would be talking to her about the situation and say you've found out and want to know if they're actually divorced or not. I know you feel differently, but I think for me, this would be a massive dealbreaker! It's a huge betrayal on you! I'd be upset enough knowing they had been in a relationship and he'd hidden it all this time, but to find out they were married and he kept that from you is insane! And the fact he hid it so he could still be in her life is just mind blowing to me! I'm sorry your going through this and I hope you find answers.
He has lied so much, the only real proof you have is that he is married. I'd 100% ask for proof of a divorce. He's lied so much, what's one more like for him?
Sounds like you guys need to have a serious conversation and ask if he’s still married, and if there’s anything else he’s keeping from you.
Are you sure he’s even divorced? I’d ask for proof
Here's the thing, he didn't come forward, he didn't admit this to you. How do you move forward from such a huge secret and violation of trust? Did you find a divorce decree? Are you sure he isn't still married? What else is he keeping from you??
@bcsweetie Don't really have a support system. I guess technically we're common law. He says she took care of the divorce. I dont think he would lie about the divorce but hey...
He says we're not ready. This is his first child although he's also been a figure in my others son's life this whole time as well.
He's been answering my questions but the last few days he's been all over.
@divinely_favored, she took care of the divorce? Yeah both parties have to agree and participate and sign the divorce papers and both people get copies 🧐 I’d be asking for proof
@divinely_favored "she took care of the divorce"? Um I'm going to say they're still married
It is a huge secret, and he's had years to bring it up. And the other night I told him I didnt want to be someone's girlfriend forever and he said he didn't want to get married again! Granted he said , never was extreme but still. Two years ago I wanted to get married. He said he wasn't ready.
Are they divorced ? Did you question the “married again” ?xx
@erincharlieconor Well I knew about one ex wife. Not two.
@divinely_favored, I’d do some digging / ask him if they’re still married. Are you both engaged ? I’m sorry your going through this shit x
Oh damn. That's a HUGE secret to keep. I'd be really upset about this.
😳hiding a marriage? I would wonder what else is being kept from you.
I want to be able to accept it and move forward. But all I'm doing is thinking about it, all the times we've saw her at family functions, comparing myself to her.
Wowza, that definitely wouldn’t go over well with me.
Wow! You’d think he would mention that at some point. How long were they married??
@divinely_favored, how do you feel about it? I think I’d be pretty pissed.
Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,
his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...
I met my husband from pof dating site . Where did you meet your significant other?
Do all mommy's get that dark vertical line? Also are the lines that extend horizontally stretch marks? I really can't tell and my boyfriend wouldn't tell me even if I did.
It's my turn ladies!
Finally, after nearly FORTY-TWO weeks... I decided to get induced. Baby Violet scared me with some decreased fetal movement and I couldn't wait any longer.
Listen. I’m going to be very blunt and hope you really think on this. This “man” ain’t the one. He has disrespected you countless times while you’re carrying his child, he showed his ass saying the baby wasn’t his, the baby look tf just like him. He still paid hundreds of dollars for a DNA test. He hid a MARRIAGE from you. He has shown you time and time again why you shouldn’t be with him. I understand you are in love. I understand he loves your kids. I understand he is the father of your child, however this man isn’t a young cat. He isn’t going to change. You need to love yourself and know your worth and kick his ass to the curb. You are giving him your all to not receive the same in return. My heart breaks for you. It truly does because he is dragging you down and making you doubt yourself when you should be doubting him. Stand in front of the mirror and remind yourself how strong, smart and beautiful you are. You don’t need him. Much love. And I mean that.