*VENT/Is there anything I can do?
*VENT/Is there anything I can do?
So my daughter has her biological Father's last name (He's somewhat active in her life. She knows him though and calls him daddy) she also calls my boyfriend daddy (her choice).
So my daughter recently told me that she wants to change her last name to my boyfriend's last name. 😳 (this was shock to me because my last name isn't even his). She seemed serious.
She knows that the baby's last name will be his last name and I think that's why. But she has a new baby brother from her father too. So idk.
She says stuff like "We're the (boyfriend's last name) family"
I don't like ignoring what my daughter says because although she's 5, she's really smart and knows how she feels. But it's like I can't do anything? 🤦🏽♀️
Purpose👑💄💎💙·
Awww that’s so sweet. I think maybe you guys can all sit down as a family and discuss it everyone involved should be there and let your daughter tell her biological father herself that this is something she wants and that there wasn’t any influence from you or your boyfriend.
Rese··
Мама дочки (5 лет), беременна (9 нед.)
Yeah. I wish it was that easy. With so much stuff. Her biological father isn't the nicest. Like he operates off of what's best for HIM. Not her. His pride wouldn't even allow him to consider her feelings smh it's sad
Purpose👑💄💎💙··
yea I know exactly how that is but you as her mother I think you should do what makes HER happy if he always does what’s best for him he shouldn’t have the privilege of her carrying his name anyway. From your post it sounds like your daughter loves her bonus dad and wants to feel more included as a family with the new baby coming.
Shay·
Maybe a compromise and do your last name for her and baby.
Bio dad will most likely need to sign off on a name change.
Rese··
Мама дочки (5 лет), беременна (9 нед.)
Yeah he would have to. I thought about that but then it creates an issue for when I do get married. And it's depriving my unborn of their Father's last name for the benefit of my daughter. I wouldn't want that to be an issue in the future.
dawn·
That is complete disrespectful to her father to even think about changing her name to your boyfriends name. That’s not even your husband girl. You need to tell your daughter that he is not her father explained to her that they have different daddies. Tell her she can’t have his last name until you have his last name and he adopts her because that is play disrespectful to her daddy.
Rese··
Мама дочки (5 лет), беременна (9 нед.)
@dawnrose, it's fine. Okay, of course I wouldn't allow my daughter to just change her last name to my boyfriend's without us being married. That wouldn't even make sense. I'm just addressing the issue that she wants to change it.
I mentioned we don't share the same last name because I just wanted to stress the fact that this was random. There's nothing I did or have that would cause her to feel this way.
As far as last names, I guess I just don't believe as much in titles as some. Like "husband/wife" "step-" "mother/father"
I don't believe in people getting titles just because of blood.. You have to earn those roles/relationships. You can be a biological mother/father yet abuse your child. Or married but adulterous. To me it's more about relationships and action than anything.
So a last name being changed to me would be up to my daughter. What she wants based on the relationships she defines.
dawn··
her father also has to agree to. One of my nieces mothers want it to change her last name to her husband‘s last name. The only way my brother agreed to get his last name off her name was if Her husband adopted my niece. But don’t be surprise if he fights you I’m keeping her name the same because that is his daughter. I’m sorry but your five-year-old really doesn’t have a say in it “legally” You’re going to have to prove your case why it’s in the best interest for your daughter to change her name to your boyfriends last name. And without the “title” of being your husband the court will most likely not approve it. It’s all a nice thought of being one big happy family with the same last name, without any “titles” but that’s not how the world works. Sorry if I sound like a bitch but there are steps you have to follow and laws that also protect the bio dad just like the laws that protect the mother.
Rese··
Мама дочки (5 лет), беременна (9 нед.)
@dawnrose, lol you don't sound like a bitch. I'm fully aware of the legality of it all. When my daughter and I had the discussion, I told her that I don't think that her bio father would like that and he had to agree to it. She told me if he didn't she'll tell the court she doesn't want to visit with him anymore lol sorry that's not funny but it's like she's 5 but she very well understood.
Again, I'm not saying that I want to change her name or would allow her to do so prior to marriage and myself having his last name.
I was talking about titles in regard to your comment about it being disrespectful.
Kristen ·
Мама троих детей
I'd honestly keep it at her father's last name. That's awesome she looks at your bf like a dad because my step daughter has called me mom on her own for a long time but id just have a talk with her about how your all still a family regardless of a last name. Let her change it when she's an adult if she wants too. She maybe smart sure but she's still 5yrs old. Her mind can always change. Idk her bio dad but I'd be crushed.
Rese··
Мама дочки (5 лет), беременна (9 нед.)
Yeah I had that talk with her. I left it at she has to speak with her bio father about it. That's between them two and what she wants and he allows. I will say that when I was previously married, this wasn't an issue (She was younger as well though) so it's just kind of different to hear and process
Tanya Tanaka·
Мама двоих (1 год, 9 лет), ждёт третьего
I'm pretty sure the only way to change her last name to his would be to adopt her or for you to marry him. You cant change a child's last name here unless you go to court and fight for reasons why your bf will be legally her provider or get married and the man adopts the child
Rese··
Мама дочки (5 лет), беременна (9 нед.)
I wouldn't even entertain the thought until we're actually married. I don't think he can adopt her with her bio father still holding rights.
Tanya Tanaka··
Мама двоих (1 год, 9 лет), ждёт третьего
no bio dad would have to sign his rights over to him.
Elizabeth Hebert·
She needs to talk to both dads about it. But if she strongly feels the need to include your bf last name in her name, why not unofficially add it as a second middle name? Don’t make it permanent until you’re married, but she can feel more included in the family.
Emily ·
Мама дочки (5 лет), беременна (34 нед.)
I'm in the exact situation. Except she only calls her bio dad dad to his face. And shes even told him she wants our last name. I'm at a lose here too. At school she even said my name is "kinley biodads last name-our last name." So we are going to try to hyphenate it.