This might be a trigger for some but I could use some help with advice for a friend. She keeps…

This might be a trigger for some but I could use some help with advice for a friend. She keeps asking me for advice so maybe if I see from an outside point of view, it could possibly swerve my opinion. This is most likely going to be lengthy post so if you make it, thank you for reading!

I have a close friend who’s step daughter (8 yrs old) was sexually abused by her step brothers and step dad. She got hurt on her head which prompted a case by cps and my friend and her husband got custody of her and moved to Oklahoma. They previously lived in Missouri where all this was happening. After a year and 4 detectives later, a detective called my friend and told her that the Prosecutor said there wasn’t enough evidence to charge anyone. It was basically a “she said-they said” situation which truly hurts my heart because they (detectives) only talked with the step daughter once and gave a heads up to the mom and step dad a 30 day notice that they had to get rape kits on all the siblings. Which they waited until the last minute to do so there wasn’t any evidence showing they were molested by the step brothers.

Now, my friend and her husband are separated. Living in different homes and the daughter they share together and the step daughter live with my friend. Step daughter doesn’t live her dad because he’s a crappy person and is a terrible dad so my friend is raising her. Put her in counseling and all the important people in her life know about the situation to make things easier for step daughter to openly speak about her feelings and everything.

My friend is wanting a divorce but is 50/50 on why she hasn’t filed yet. One being because she thinks the judge is going to have the step daughter live with her dad and the when the mom finds out, she could try to get step daughter back since the case was dropped. That’s holding my friend back because she knows she’s better off taking care of step daughter and keep her away from all the abuse (including her dad). The reason why she needs a divorce is because she wants step daughter to not live with her because she feels like she can’t move on from her husband I’d step daughter is still in her care. He always holds step daughter over the head of my friend. “My daughter, not yours” “you can’t discipline her since you’re not her mom” type stuff. My friend needs to move on from her husband because he’s mentally abusive, physically abusive and is very unstable. He can’t take of himself. Always coming to her house taking what he wants like toiletries and food. Asking for money. He was even driving her car and she was driving her moms little suv so he can get to work without walking or taking an Uber. I don’t like him at all.

I tell her that she should fight for her step daughter. She’s come this far in making it work for step daughter. My friend is her ONLY safe place. nobody on her dads side cares about her and neither does her dad.

My friend keeps asking me for advice and what I’d do in her shoes. I’ve told her to fight for step daughter (if it’s possible) so she can be safe and sound. To not let David control her and play mind games and to tell him NO for once! The guy doesn’t even pay for his own phone. He’s on her moms plan and she pays for his phone. I told her it’s all ‘mental’ and she needs to find the strength for herself to let go and move on and that step daughter shouldn’t play a factor with being able to finally say no and to move on.

But another part of me has never been in her shoes. I’ve never been divorced with step children involved and a situation with the step child being abused. The entire situation is messy and seems like a movie. I honestly have no clue what else to say to her. But I do firmly think that the step daughter shouldn’t play a role in whether you CHOOSE to move on or not from your soon to be ex husband. There’s more to step daughters story like stealing and lying constantly but the counselor have already said that’s what’s expected from her with cases like these. That we basically have to show her the right way and trying to reboot her brain because her mom and step dad taught her to lie for so long. She’s a good girl. She’s always sweet and kind and such a strong little girl.

There’s most likely parts that are questionable and stuff I left out so I will try to answer any questions to help but that’s pretty much the gist of things.