I wish there was more time in a day. These days just seem to mash together. I get no "me" time let alone any time for me and my fiance to enjoy eachothers company. My 5 year old has been struggling in school and cant make transitions, so im now having him assesed for autism, my 8 year olds chemo is weekly still and very soon we will be starting radiation which will be daily for 6-8 weeks. Which means I will be taking the younger girls with me and my 5 year old will be staying back with his aunt and uncle so he doesnt miss school. Everytime i feel like im getting somewhere and have come up with a plan and schedule i get thrown through a loop and have to redo everything. To say things are hard would be an understatement. Some days i have a hard time coping. I hate being alone because when im alone i feel like im going crazy. Im still in denial most days. I still dont understand how or why my child has cancer being a mom of 4 was hard enough before cancer was thrown in. The last half of 2018 has been a shit show. Christmas for my kids is looking very grim. We just simply dont have the money to get them what they deserve this year or to even get a tree. Im stressed to the point that my hair is falling out in clumps. Im tired,im lonely, i just wanna feel normal again