My SO has decided to go out of state to see his family for Christmas. He's very close with them and its been a few years…

@mhbb3, regardless of his decision, it’s healthier you said how you feel. What he does with that is on him. You can’t change his actions, but that doesn’t mean he’s free from consequences.

@mhbb3, and I find my arguments to be far more effective when I do the same, put bitchmode aside and just sit back once I’ve said my peace

Thanks for pushing me to speak up. If I wouldnt have he wouldn't know that I care and I wouldnt know that he does want me there.

@mhbb3, I’d approach it in a manner that doesn’t seem accusatory. Be inquisitive. Use “we” a lot versus “you”. Ask him about missing the moments with the kids and how the kids would feel. Say “we wanted to instill in our children that our core family is important and matters, is this sending that message?”

Also- I’d discuss the what-ifs. If you were to go into labor, what is the plan with the kids? What if he was to miss the birth- how would that feel? How would it be explained to the child when they’re older (because they ask)?

Don’t approach it as a fight, ask questions that get him to think deeply versus preaching your thoughts.

Thank you for this. He's usually fairly considerate and approachable so I'm hoping if i approach it positively like you mentioned it will go well.

Usually I'm very vocal and assertive but lately it's just been rough bc of the uncertainty.

@mhbb3 I sent him a message on msnger. I just said i didnt think it was a good idea. He asked why. I said the timing and he hasn't said anything else lol. He'll be home from work in a couple hrs , I guess we will finish then lol

lol...I think ill tell him at dinner. I'll let you know how it goes. This has been a bad year for us honestly. I feel like I've been really trying to watch my step but HE jyst steps wherever and either doesn't see or doesn't care.

@mhbb3 yes keep me updated, i hope it goes well and he listens and UNDERSTANDS

@mhbb3, and that is so wrong. You deserve a level playing field. If you weren’t almost due, if it wasn’t a holiday... ok fine. Christmas is about your wife and kids. My husband is upset he couldn’t get the day AFTER Christmas off and miss the first chill day with their new toys!

@mhbb3, it won’t help to bottle it up. He needs to work on why he feels comfortable leaving his very pregnant wife on a holiday all about family. Perhaps for Christmas you can give him some counseling sessions

@doubleksmommy @tennesseehawk @milnera2014

Thank you for confirming I'm not a crazy, emotional, B! Now to just work up the courage to talk to him about it.

@mhbb3 you want me to tell him??! I'm jk but I hope you do tell him ASAP or call me and I will gladly

Well he hasn't sen his mom and sister in a few years so I get it I guess so im trying not to be hurt but i am

@mhbb3, but this is Christmas...AND you’re so pregnant. Why can’t he make the trip any other time? Just seems like such an inconvenient time. He’s the one who needs to be more understanding.

True. And thats why it stings so much. I dont wanna be the scrooge for lack of a better term and be like No you can't go to your families on Christmas.

But I just can't beleive he's even doing it. A month before I'm due.

Yea especially with a baby on the way its little selfish

Its a ten hr drive and if we have to stop frequently that will make it even longer