My SO has decided to go out of state to see his family for Christmas. He's very close with them and its been a few years so I get that.
But, I'm going to be home, alone, eight mos pregnant, on Christmas. It's too late for me to fly and to drive we'd be stopping at least every 45 min for me to pee or whatever.
I have said nothing because I know he loves and misses them but truthfully I am crushed about it.
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@mhbb3, regardless of his decision, it’s healthier you said how you feel. What he does with that is on him. You can’t change his actions, but that doesn’t mean he’s free from consequences.
@mhbb3, and I find my arguments to be far more effective when I do the same, put bitchmode aside and just sit back once I’ve said my peace
@laniejay Thanks for pushing me to speak up. If I wouldnt have he wouldn't know that I care and I wouldnt know that he does want me there.
@mhbb3, I’d approach it in a manner that doesn’t seem accusatory. Be inquisitive. Use “we” a lot versus “you”. Ask him about missing the moments with the kids and how the kids would feel. Say “we wanted to instill in our children that our core family is important and matters, is this sending that message?”
Also- I’d discuss the what-ifs. If you were to go into labor, what is the plan with the kids? What if he was to miss the birth- how would that feel? How would it be explained to the child when they’re older (because they ask)?
Don’t approach it as a fight, ask questions that get him to think deeply versus preaching your thoughts.
@laniejay Thank you for this. He's usually fairly considerate and approachable so I'm hoping if i approach it positively like you mentioned it will go well.
Usually I'm very vocal and assertive but lately it's just been rough bc of the uncertainty.
@mhbb3 I sent him a message on msnger. I just said i didnt think it was a good idea. He asked why. I said the timing and he hasn't said anything else lol. He'll be home from work in a couple hrs , I guess we will finish then lol
Oh no no no honey . YOU AND THE KIDS are first priority! It doesn't matter if he hasn't seen them in 10 years...he couldn't go for New Years or maybe a couple weeks b4 Christmas so you won't be alone preggo on Xmas with the kids? Yeah no that's so selfish and rude. U should def say something.
lol...I think ill tell him at dinner. I'll let you know how it goes. This has been a bad year for us honestly. I feel like I've been really trying to watch my step but HE jyst steps wherever and either doesn't see or doesn't care.
@mhbb3 yes keep me updated, i hope it goes well and he listens and UNDERSTANDS
@mhbb3, and that is so wrong. You deserve a level playing field. If you weren’t almost due, if it wasn’t a holiday... ok fine. Christmas is about your wife and kids. My husband is upset he couldn’t get the day AFTER Christmas off and miss the first chill day with their new toys!
You should absolutely speak up. It won’t help your marriage to keep big feelings to yourself.
@mhbb3, it won’t help to bottle it up. He needs to work on why he feels comfortable leaving his very pregnant wife on a holiday all about family. Perhaps for Christmas you can give him some counseling sessions
@laniejay @doubleksmommy @tennesseehawk @milnera2014
Thank you for confirming I'm not a crazy, emotional, B! Now to just work up the courage to talk to him about it.
@mhbb3 you want me to tell him??! I'm jk but I hope you do tell him ASAP or call me and I will gladly
I just want to get over it and not care.
How selfish of him. To leave his family behind on Christmas. Hell no. I would be putting my foot down. He can go visit after the holidays or before but he’s married now, you and the kids are his priorities...not his family.
Well he hasn't sen his mom and sister in a few years so I get it I guess so im trying not to be hurt but i am
@mhbb3, but this is Christmas...AND you’re so pregnant. Why can’t he make the trip any other time? Just seems like such an inconvenient time. He’s the one who needs to be more understanding.
@tennesseehawk True. And thats why it stings so much. I dont wanna be the scrooge for lack of a better term and be like No you can't go to your families on Christmas.
But I just can't beleive he's even doing it. A month before I'm due.
Truthfully, I'm kinda shocked by his choice but this has been a really rocky year.
Yea especially with a baby on the way its little selfish
I think you should be able to go just stop and stretch don't hold your bladder and talk to your doctor about it too
Its a ten hr drive and if we have to stop frequently that will make it even longer
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@laniejay @doubleksmommy
Welp, he's still going lol. I told him i didnt agree but, I didnt push the issue. I can tell its on his conscience and I wanna see what he does with that.
I was going to go into full batch mode and demand he stay but instead I'm going to turn the other cheek.