I have never felt so much pain, hatred,heartache,and disappointment in my life. I’m struggling…

I have never felt so much pain, hatred,heartache,and disappointment in my life. I’m struggling everyday emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. But I’m suppose to just act like nothing has happened. And it wasn’t nothing. When I’m smarter than that. But I love him so much but this is so painful. All I can do is cry.