So I’m 10 days postpartum and I have a son who just turned one. And yes it is as hard or harder than I thought it would be. My one year-old, Logan hates the newborn, William, and cries at the sight of him. My mommy heart is just broken for him because I can’t hold him as much as I did before. He has always been a mama’s boy, and I just ache for him. Every time the baby cries he puts his arms up for me to hold him. And of course I can’t every time. He even put his arms out for the dog to hold him today. Don’t get me wrong every moment I have a chance I am holding him and snuggling him and loving on him. And when my partner gets home from work he holds him and plays with him, but at that point Logan is so tired and grumpy from his day of battling for attention that it’s hard to get that positive interaction with him. It’s dinner time then bathtime and snuggle time and bed. My poor baby boy, I am so broken for him. I know this time will pass and the boys will be the best of friends. But I cry when I think about that he just doesn’t understand what’s going on.
And of course on my selfish note, I almost always have somebody in my arms, or wearing William, that I am not napping or resting or healing at all. I am up all day, and I am up all night. I only stayed in the hospital for 24 hours, so as soon as my feet hit the floor out of that hospital bed, I was everybody’s caregiver again immediately.
Moms of Irish twins, how did you do it?
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@ashleybradford92, Thank you so much Ashley your input it means lot. And those are all very good ideas I love the idea about buying him a doll. Seriously thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is a very scary time because it just breaks my heart about him thinking he’s not important. I know if my mom was better and didn’t have cancer I would have more help and he wouldn’t feel lonely
@motherwillowdoula It was work , extreme work and just as you think you're going to lose it, it will settle. I'd start at the basics of reassurance. Grab a worn out t-shirt of yours, either wear it or if you have a go to perfume drench it and let him have it. Do dual play time, even if your newborn can't respond a dual game of peekaboo works wonders to show you will split the attention. Buy him a toy, or something he's normally not allowed or is extremely interested in give it to him only when the baby needs your attention. It's a reward so to speak for showing patience. While being firm on the no hitting constantly touch him(when he's being good) when tending to the baby. My daughter loved for me to play with her hair. Buy him a doll, and reinforce positive behavior with his baby.
Right now he thinks he's not as important , that hes going to lose you so the situation is threatening for him. Just reassuring him is the best way to break the cycle.
@ashleybradford92, thank you so much. I know it will be over in the blink of an eye it’s just so sad to watch. If I let Logan anywhere near William he just wants to hit him or pinch him. I do sit and hold both of them together but it is a battle because my oldest wants to lash out so bad because he has no vocabulary to tell me how upset he is
One day at a time. It passes quickly just remember be patient. Have you considered floor time? Sit and hold the baby or wear and allow your oldest time to cuddle you
@duckduckgoose, oh that would be amazing
@motherwillowdoula I'm with you hun, it's heart wrenching, and unless you've been in the shoes yourself no one really understands. Hang on momma, it does get easier. I'm so sorry about your mother. If you EVER need to chat I'm here